This diary has gotten me in trouble on more than one occassion. The more I think about it, the more I can see that it has. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. Au contraire, I take pleasure in speaking my mind and sharing my adventures and emotions with the world. I'm a heart-on-my-sleeve kind of girl. If something's bothering me, I'm likely to run here and write about it, because it helps me to figure stuff out. It's just who I am, this is an outlet, a way to sort through stuff for me.
And right now, I'm more confused than ever.
And my head is screaming to shut up and just keep it in, bottle it up. I'm thinking I can't really do that.
Actually I really don't know what I'm thinking right now. I am so damn confused. Gaaah.
It's kind of funny. You go along, happy with your life, content with the little routine you've got going, generally blissful. It's amazing how fast things can change. Somebody saying something can totally affect how you're feeling, how you're thinking, what you're doing. This fact constantly and continuously amazes me. It's one of those facts of life. One moment really can affect things.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
That is ALL I really have to say at this moment. I'm so confused. And of course, all of you reading this will have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about. It's better that way. I think.
I don't know.
I've decided that my problem is that I overanalyze things and then over-react to them. It's happened with all my past crushes. I think it has to do with falling hard and fast. I'm so damn picky when it comes to actually liking someone that it takes a while to find someone to crush on. But then, it nearly turns into an obsession for me.
And this doesn't impress me at all. I hate that a crush can consume me, invade all my thoughts and make me turn to mush at the thought of him. I hate it. It makes me feel one-dimensional and shallow.
And who's to say I'm even crushing right now? I really have no fucking idea what is really going on. My emotional state right now is so out-of-sync that it's NOT even funny. I feeling like laughing, crying and kicking myself hard at the same time. I just really loathe the fact that I'm so confused. I like to be in control of my feelings.
Which is totally un-natural. I can't control how I feel and who I like. Right?
RIGHT?!?
The more I think about it, the more I think I might be crushing. This is bad. Really bad. This can't happen. This could fuck things up.
Can someone please just shoot me please? Or kick me really hard? Or give me a tranquilizer?
That's it, I'm running away. I'm joining a convent. I'm going to take a vow of silence and marry Jesus. Then life will be easier for me. If I can't talk and I'm committed to the Holy One then I can't have my emotions fucked with.
This plan is sounding better and better....
I'm so frustrated right now. Errrrr. I feel like ripping the head offa my teddy bear and curling into a ball on my bed. Or in a corner. I should go for a drive. A nice long drive. Too bad I'm doing my office hours right now. Dammit!!!
Aight, I should do homework. Doesn't that sound like fun.
Grrrr
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Same Old Song" by Sev (from the Pepsi Blue commercial--I love this song)
Crush du Jour: Sean William Scott
Happy Thought of the Moment: Cadbury Mini Eggs, late night convos with Joe, summer fast approaching, sunshine, SNL, Rugrats, gettin' the kudos basket, massages, fun staff meetings, pizza, funky bulletin boards, long hot showers, screaming for the hell of it, jumping in puddles, good poetry, inspiring quotes, seeing my boss get pulled over, really good dreams, cute ads, horoscopes, flamey cup, Davide silliness, stress relief week, bowling