Everything that could possibly go wrong on the first day back to work, um, has. Stupid computers hate me, I cannot index for the life of me (a stupid error window keeps popping up) and the office looks like World War Seven: Invasion of the NMU Campus has erupted due to packing and shit.
And now I have a headache. Dammit.
The only thing I've done right today was shredding. And I almost fucked that up right away by shoving a twenty-thick pile through the damned thing. My bad. Luckily it was easy to fix. Hummm.
Maybe I should just take my lunch. I'm thinking double slices from Mainstreet washed down with a slushy from Frosty Treats. That may make me happy. Hurrah.
I talked to my mom the other night. It was a good way to kick off my weekend. I hung up and was sad, but not in the depressed way that I usually am. I was sad because the convo had to end.
For the first time in a long time, my mom actually sounds happy. Or at least a little content. She's been nannying for the past couple of months, so I think she feels valuable. Especially now that she can pay off her bills. She has peace of mind. Finally. She's been stressed about some of those for like, three years, so for her to finally sound happy and be genuinely excited about money is a weight off my shoulders.
And she said she'd help pay off my credit card bill. I think I'm liking this nannying gig.
I may have a very happy birthday after all.
Now, let's just see if Dad remembers....
We were talking about Dad a lot during the duration of our conversation. We came to the conclusion that he's an idiot. Mom said for me to not feel bad about not having a relationship with him because I've tried. I've tried my damnedest. This past Father's Day proves that.
I think Mom feels a little guilty about us (read: Katy and I) not having a father figure in our lives though. Which isn't really true. Emily's dad kind of involuntarily filled that spot--hell, her whole family is like my second family. And I've had wonderful role models throughout my life. I've never lacked support or motivation and encouragement. Mom really has nothing to feel bad about. If anyone should feel like shit, it should be my dad. He's the one that's missed every important moment of my entire life. And he's the one that didn't say a word or change expressions as I tried to share the most important moments of the past year with him on Father's Day.
In short--my dad's an ass. I blame it on the drugs, the alcohol, the stroke and his utter lack of a personality to begin with.
My greatest fear is that I'll turn into someone like him. I think this is what drives me to be the overachieving, neurotic, over-hyper girl I am today. Which is indeed better than being a lazy, lackluster, lack-of-personality girl. I think.
Maybe I'm just incoherent and not making any sense right now. This isn't the direction I intended for this entry to go in. I think my hunger and my headache steered this. Oh well.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Maybe Tomorrow" by the Stereophonics
Crush du Jour: the one, the only Mr. Mayer
Happy Thought of the Moment: long island night tonight, fun dreams, Midol, good novels, bubble baths, greasy pizza, buffalo wings, the color pink, manicures, possible plans for the Mall of America, Chicago in 5 days, Puerto Rican rum