I'm still bitchy. It doesn't help that when I first came to write this entry the stupid "our servers are overloaded" message came up. That just adds to my bitch-level at the moment.
Once again--rawr.
I'm working at the desk. I wasn't supposed to, but my poor supervisor's really sick, so he begged me to cover for him. See, I'm not so bitchy that I won't help a poor soul out.
I, um, kind of changed my tune when I walked into the lobby and the air was heavy with humidity. And then I found piles of mail to forward. Yeah, let's just combine the two things that really don't make me happy: mail and hot weather. When I'm already not happy that doesn't exactly help. Humph. I forwarded three bags. Whoever comes in tomorrow can suck it up and do the last one. I. Don't. Care. Or rather, I feel too uggy/bitchy to care.
Cold water, on the other hand, is a happy bright spot tonight. Mmm. Yay for cold water. I really need to remember to fill my filter up more.
Some of my friends are playing to my bad side today. Ok, so I'm really happy that all my friends get along. That's awesome, that means that we can all hang out together and no Jerry Springer-like things will happen. What I *don't* like is when my friends decide that their favorite activity is to pick on me. It's like when two or more of them get together all they do is rip on me. We all know I can laugh at it....to a POINT. If they're really my friends, they'll know that I'm also highly sensitive and I can and will retreat into solidairity if need be. I can be a bitch (as we're all witnessing now), I can be a diva, I can be a drama queen; I'm not afraid to pull these alter-egos out, especially if my "friends" have decided to involuntarily make me their source of entertainment.
NOT. COOL.
Certain people are also pissing me off with what they've been saying and doing. Like I said, it's great they all get along. Don't disclude me if you decide to make my friends your new best friends. I didn't think I was insecure about this until tonight. It's not my fault that shit comes up. I understand that my friends want to have lives too. I, too, want a life. I just need to balance things, maybe more than others. I'm just frustrated. It's good to know that I'm so easily replacable.
And perhaps I'm over-reacting. But once written, these things do seem to make more sense. It can hurt more, but there also seems to be a sense of clarity within me. Perhaps I just need to have a me-day, where I just am alone and I don't talk to anyone and I just am me. Without an audience. Without anyone to laugh at (or with) me. Without the negativity. Who knows.
That's another thing: when did I become such a negative person? I went out with some friends on Saturday night and everything that came out of my mouth was an insult or a snarky comment. This sounds bad, but it could have to do with the company I keep. A LOT of my closest friends are cynical and/or sarcastic people. Yes, they're hilarious as all fuck and I love them (for the most part), but I think it's starting to get the best of me. I like being edgy. I don't like turning into something I'm not. I'd like to maintain my sunny senses and my optimism. I can be funny and a bit bitter without turning into Janeane Garafalo or something.
What it comes down to is soul-searching. I don't know exactly what's happening, but I'm not so sure if I like it. I'm not blaming anyone or pointing fingers. If it sounds like it, I'm not meaning to. I just feel like a stranger in my own body at the moment. I either need to reacquaint myself or get used to this new me. I want to choose option A. I want some time alone. Hopefully this weekend will bring that....
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Not Myself" by John Mayer
Crush du Jour: meh
Happy Thought of the Moment: cold water, good chocolate, my new bowl from Hot Plate, long naps, my new subscription to EW, good mix cds