Last night was rough. Very rough. I'm not talking about party-like-a rockstar-up-till-6:30am type of rough. I wish. Then I could have gotten some happiness and pleasure out of it.
No. My dreams last night were horrendous. They were some of the worst I've ever had. And it wasn't like I was being hacked to pieces or being stalked or anything like that.
I had a series of dreams that followed me for a week, just a normal week with me doing normal things: work, being with friends, dorking around--the usual Krissy chaos. But every day someone was out to make my life hell. It was a different person every single day, but their objective was the same: to break me down and/or make me feel like shit.
One day it was a guy I liked in my dream. Another day someone released a mouse into my bedroom because they knew how squeamish I was about rodents. A third person just taunted me relentlessly online. The fourth and fifth people were "coworkers" that hated me and were out to prove that I was lower than dirt. (As it turned out, none of the "mean people" are people I know or interact with. My friends and coworkers were my anchors in this twisted world.)
At the beginning of the week I was ok and kept thinking that it was a dream. By the end of the week I was only a piece of who I'd been. My hair was a mess (more than usual--it was rumpled like I didn't care, not like when I meticulously mess it), my clothes were torn and dirty, I couldn't look anyone in the eye, my posture was horrific and instead of makeup I just had dirt smudges on my cheeks. I wouldn't talk to anyone really and when I did I'd just whisper.
Their goal was to tear me down, make me want to die. They wanted to break down who I was by insulting my personality and my character. I don't know why, but it appeared to be working brilliantly.
But something happened at the end of the last day of the dream. I grew angry at the old woman who was trying so desperately to ground me into the dirt. I realized that she was nothing but an old woman who was bitter and that I couldn't be hurt if I didn't want to be. With that in mind I hurled a string of curse words at her that could never be said in real life because I'm sure I'd be jailed immediately. And the more I spoke, the louder I got and the more she seemed to hunch over. She was angry and tried to attack my character again. But instead of shrinking, I just laughed. The old woman and her friends (she had two ugly, wrinkled friends) could only stomp their feet and storm away.
It was only after they left that I broke down because of the horrendous week I had had. When I woke up I was crying and clutching my comforter; I was curled up in a fetal position. I was afraid to go back to sleep because I didn't want any more dreams to make my head hurt. (I have the worst headache right now.) My throat hurt and my pillow was wet so I must have been crying along with the dreams. I feel like I haven't slept at all. It's not a good feeling.
And now I'm wondering where in the hell this would have come from. And it scares me that my mind could come up with these things.
But on the happy side, I gave myself McD's breakfast. And I found my other sketcher sandal. And the 90s station is playing at my computer, so the world is good. Or at least a hell of a lot better than the dream world.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Hard to Handle" by the Black Crowes
Crush du Jour: head hurts too much to think of that...
Happy Thought of the Moment: the above-mentioned things, naps (sooo taking a 3 hour one when work is done), mac and cheese, scrapping with Manda, Walmart runs, inspiration, Real World, Bath and Body Work's Pearberry spray, The Perks of Being A WallFlower, POA out in 2 days!!!