I had a break-down tonight. Heaving sobs, runny tears, the works. But it was validated.
A.) my car died. I don't know why. I'm praying it just needs a new battery. But it's dead. Rexy is now sitting at the repair shop, awaiting the morning for a dianosis and (hopefully cheap) repair. Grr grr grr.
B.) I miss my mom. Plain and simple. I called her after my car was towed. I was all ready to cry to her when she mentioned that she was slightly depressed. Grandma's being buried tomorrow, so this can't exactly be the time of her life. I just wish I could be there with her. I know that she's just going to need someone to give her a hug and sit with her; watch a favorite movie with her and be there if and when she feels like talking. I've played that role before and I want to do it again. But I can't. Because of my car and because of work and timing and stupid shit.
I just miss her so much. It's so nice to just talk with her on the phone. I know that this is a difficult time in her life. I just want to be there to let her know that it's ok. Sometimes it feels like she just thinks things are totally and completely hopeless. But they're not. One of the biggest things she's taught me is that I should always have hope; to keep my head up because things will shine through because life is beautiful. I got my zest for life and my hunger and ambition for adventure from her. It's so hard to see her in this state. It's understandable--she lost her mom for Christ's sake--but it's still hard.
It's an emotionally charged night for me. I hate feeling this vulnerable. I like knowing what's going on. Being in control. When shit like this happens I'm not in control. It shakes my world.
A lot has shaken my world lately. Well...not a lot, but this has. And the dream from the other night still keeps running through my head. It's made me think about who I am and what my values are; who I trust, who I should trust; relationships.
Right now, the world of KiKi is going through some tremors. We'll see how man survive.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar fantasy To: VH1
Crush du Jour: I don't give a damn, I don't give a fuck at the moment
Happy Thought of the Moment: great friends, Harry tix for tomorrow night!!!