I'm feeling grrrr for one reason: Mom. Grr grr grr to her. That's all I have to say.
So here's the deal. Lately I've been feeling incredibly frustrated about my relationship with her. We don't really talk anymore. And when I try to talk to her, she doesn't seem to really care and she always makes excuses. Then when I'm busy (ie--on the internet, on the phone, reading something or another...) that's when she decides that she'd like to have a heart-to-heart. It's pretty frustrating. I'm feeling like there's a kink in our relationship, which really hurts.
The other thing is that we never really do anything together anymore. In the three months that I've been home, we've been alone and out together maybe 4 or 5 times at most. And that was to like Taco Bell and Wal-Mart. Woohoo (Ok, so there's not a whole lot to do in the bussling metropolis of Houghton/Chassell, but still!). It seems...ok, this is gonna sound really immature, jealous, stupid, and paranoid...that she'd rather spend time with Katy or just without me. Like she doesn't really appreciate me. And I know she loves me, but I'm just so incredibly frustrated right now.
The big thing right now is that my family was supposed to go shopping in Marquette tomorrow. Then Mom's friend invites her and Katy (not me, mind you) to go with her so they can go and visit some random friend that Mom isn't really close to. So the whole shopping idea is totally dropped to accomodate this retarded trip. I am so beyond pissed.
This may sound beyond shallow, but I don't even care: I was supposed to get new clothes. I NEED NEW FUCKING CLOTHES. Seriously. My new job training starts in like 2 weeks, and I need clothes that make me look "professional." (Which, FYI, is really really dumb, because once training is over, do you really think you're gonna see the AP's and RA's in skirts, blouses, khakis, and other semi-nice clothes? Umm...NOOO. You'll see us all in ratty jeans, broken in Nikes, and our favorites tshirts. So why torture us now? Why why why???) So far I have 2 skirts--one of which is iffy cuz it's dirty denim--and a pair of kicking cords. ANd alot of shirt...but I need more. And mom promised to buy me clothes. But no now it looks like I'll just go broke.
I know I sound like a whiny brat. ANd I've certainly been playing the part of it and rubbing it in to Mom. And pretty much annoying the fuck out of her. Which is fine with me. Cuz the way I see it, I had a definite plan with her and she totally dropped it when her friend called. I guess that's how important I really am to her. It really does piss me off. It's deeper than just shopping and plans and clothes. It's an indicator of how much she really cares. Because if spending time with me really was high on her list, she'd have just told her friend thanks but sorry, I have a date with my daughters. Nope.
I'm bitter. ANd pissed. And exuding hostile-ness towards my mother. Grr grr grr. Just her. Other than that, I'm in a fairly happy happy mood. Work was good. Friends are good. My bdays in a mere 10 days, I'll be back in Marquette in a couple of weeks. Yup, life's not too bad right now. 'Cept for Mom. (Who is pretending that she doesn't notice my glaring looks and biting comments about going to training naked and in bad shoes. GRRR--that's what really annoying, her blatant obliviousness. I hate mothers sometimes. I hate families sometimes.)
K, I should go and do something semi-constructive. Quick question: does anyone know the lyrics to "Say No More, Mon Amour" from Empire Records? Em and I think we have them, but we're not 100% sure. And I can't find them on the internet. I've just wasted an hour looking everywhere for them, but to no avail. Hehehe. Whatever.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Living Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "I Need To Know" by Marc Anthony
Crush Du Jour: Jimmy Fallon cuz I just saw a hotttt pic of him
Happy Thought of the Moment: snack foods (cuz I've been munching on a LOT lately), good tippers at work, nicottine fixes, full tanks of gas in my car, getting mail, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings," good hair days, Paul Mitchell Gloss Drops (the reason for my good hair day), the beautiful pix I'm finding to decorate my room