There are certain aspects of my personality that I don't always adore. I hate how cranky I get when I'm PMS-ing. No amount of Midol can control the bitch-factor during the first 36 hours of the beloved visitor.
I'm also not a fan of how sensitive I am to my friends' doting and teasing, even if I know that deep down it's out of love and not spite.
The thing I truly hate the most about me sometimes is how jealous I get over the littlest things. My paranoia and neurosis work together with my little green-eyed monster to blow things out of proportion in my mind. It leads to jealousy that can be unrivaled.
I'm good at hiding it most of the time. But I know it's there, bubbling beneath my smiling surface. It tears at me sometimes. As expressive as I am, as much as I wear my heart on my sleeve, I can't bring myself to admit how jealous some of the smallest things make me.
The tiny tragedy of my life is the drama of my paranoia in my mind. It leads to this jealousy. It's usually not based on anything. Or it's foundation is built on a fleeting thought. It just bubbles quickly, leading to jealousy that can stay for unlimited amounts of time.
Sometimes I feel like a bipolar person when this feeling emerges.
It doesn't happen often, but I totally hate myself when it does.
I think, also, it may have to do with my pride and my overachieving nature to never lose, to always be first, to be the best.
Actually, this may be the basis for all of my flaws--this desire to be the best all the damn time. It could help to explain my overachieving nature, my paranoia , this jealousy.....
I could be on to something here.
And I told Ryan I wasn't feeling introspective tonight.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Confessions" by Usher (he can't act. And WHY is he shirtless save for the sake of being shirtless? Un-necessary. And this coming from a hormones-on-parade girl, too.)
Crush du Jour: the person who can slay the green monster
Happy Thought of the Moment: taco salad (YES! I'll become domesticated yet!), party planning, free magazines, shoe inspiration, amaretto sours, Sex and the City, London plans, cool breezes, waking up cold (a good thing, believe me), getting lots done at work, old-school shirts