Dear guys:
I speak for the entire population of girls when I say that I am sick of your stupidness. Why are you all so stupid? It's a great mystery. The first person that could clearly answer that question would win a Pulitzer and be quite rich. It appears to be an even greater mystery because you, with your balls and low EQ (emotional quotients), cannot even begin to answer the question.
I don't mean to be scary and femi-nazi-like when I ask this. I say this because lately it seems that all guys seem to have pulled out their bastard-flags and are proudly waving them as hard as they can.
Here's a hint, boys: girls don't like guys who think they're mightier and better than God. Girls aren't impressed when guys act possessive. And girls certainly don't swoon when guys try to act all tough and hide their emotions like they're the modern day equivalent of John Wayne.
Why do you think girls love gay men? It's not just because we can shop and check out guys together. It's because most of them are funny, self-depricating and in touch with their thoughts and emotions.
This doesn't mean that you have to invest in $100 worth of hair gel and watch a Queer Eye marathon in order to start impressing girls. If you want to, fine, it's a decent start. (And, hell, you'd probably get a few good wardrobe tips!) But it's not necessary.
Drop the bastard act. You're not the greatest thing since God. If you're spouting off your opinions like they're the end-all, be-all for the world to listen to, the only way you'll get some is by Miss Michigan (and I'm not talkin' about the beauty queen here).
Have a sense of humor. This does not mean belch the alphabet or rely on a string of sex jokes to dazzle a girl. Because this will not dazzle anyone except your frat brothers. Just tune into your sense of self and go from there. It sounds new age-y and kind of is, but once you know what you're thinking, you can make anyone smile and/or laugh. And if you can make fun of yourself, that's even better. Self-deprication rocks. PS: being a dork--yeah, that's even better. Girls adore dorks. At least this girl does.
Which leads to a last point. Express yourself. You don't have to talk about your feelings like girls do. If you did, we'd think you were a member of the rainbow family. But clue us in to what you're thinking and feeling, please. I am not a mind-reader. And expending all my energy to figure out what you're thinking and feeling isn't my idea of a good time. It's exhausting. And don't even say that you cannot tell what girls are thinking/feeling. We all mostly wear our hearst on our sleeve if you pay a tiny bit of attention. If you have to work a little bit to get at what we're feeling, just know that we're working ten times as hard to figure you out. (And this on top of having to be trendy, smart and sassy--being a girl is HARD.)
Thank you for your time. Now excuse me while I go pretend to not think about my crush.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: The Daily Show
Crush du Jour: Jimmy Fallon
Happy Thought of the Moment: taco salad, time with friends, entertaining drama, liberation, new layout, cold water, mixed drinks, Daily Show, funny guys, cool evenings, fun music, dancing, Border Grill, new makeup, motivation, inspiration, baby carrots, new chick lit