I'm feeling a little cranky today. It's the humidity, the earliness, this cold.
Yup, I'm getting sick. Can I not go a summer without getting sick? What the hell? I have half a mind to blame my sister because I felt fine until I saw her on Friday. She's lost her voice, and sniffling and horking stuff. Now I'm horking stuff. And getting a sore throat. Dammit.
Mmm...fan. Yay.
I also reached a new low last night/early this morning. I woke up around 5ish and just began obsessing about my body. I'm not one to really talk about my weight but last night I just felt completely obese and disgusting. I realize I'm not the skinniest person ever, but I also realize that I've gained a considerable amount of weight in the past year. I think it's the alcohol (hi, hello, can we say empty calories?) combined with me so not eating right. I'm just...so sick of it. So around 5:13 this morning I decided that I will rise from this pity party stupor and finally do something about it. I always say I'm going to work out and eat right but I never do. It's annoying. Partially I think I never did out of fear. I could always say that I didn't do anything because I'm so busy and that was my excuse. And I could hide behind the fact that I look the way I do because I never ate right or exercised or whatever. Because as long as I had an excuse it was alright. But I realized that maybe I never started to get healthy because maybe I'd fail if I started. If I never started then it could always be a what-if situation that I could use as a shield to hide behind and I could always just make lame-ass excuses.
It's LAME. Why am I afraid? Yes, I realize that I'm not going to magically drop to a size 2 or anything. But I know that I should be healthier, look healthier, feel healthier. I need to be commited to this. After last night I don't think that'll be a problem, as I wallowed in my pity for an hour. Yup, I kept myself awake for an hour thinking about this shiznit. It sucked so hard.
McDonalds made me breakout again. This is definitely the reason I will not eat there again. Shut up, I mean it. I hate grease. I hate how my jawline looks afterwards. Ugh. I look like a hormonal teenage boy. Uggy.
I also hate my hair. (I'm in a hatin' mood today.) I figured it'd grow fast because it does when I want it to NOT grow. Of course the second I decide to let it grow it launches a revolt and pretty much stops growing. Which leaves my hair looking like a mullet unless I put ten million hair products in it daily. Charming. I want highlights, too. Steph told me about this great stylist whose specialty is highlights and she does it for cheap. Hurrah. I'm thinking some red and caramel streaks might rock. Oh yes.
Mmm...John Mayer in the morning. So fab.
I finally remembered to make an appointment to get an oil change for Rexy too. Go me! And the muffler is getting fixed. It sounds so. bad. It roars. Seriously. I turn it on and it roars. I'm sure my neighbors are charmed. It's gotten progressively worse since Chicago, but I didn't realize how bad it was until I was in the drive-thru at the bank the other day. It's annoying. I cringe when I pass cop cars because I'm sure that they're going to pull me over and ticket me for noise pollution soon. But tomorrow it's getting fixed. Now I just need someone to drive me to work from the garage tomorrow morning. Pretty please?
Res-Life training began today. It's so weird to not be going to it, because it was such a large part of my life for two years. It felt nice not to have to haul all of my shit back to a shoe-box size room, but I'm going to miss the comaraderie of all the para-pros. There was good bonding and good memories from that. I shall not miss the early mornings, the sessions that seemed endless and pointless, being forced to dress up and being crammed into hot headquarters (the a.c. broke more than once during training before--not cool). But I do feel a little sad because it was a good time. Exhausting, but fun. And rewarding. I don't regret being an AP. I'm just glad that I get to sleep in and not worry about building community or living in a fishbowl.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Daughters" by John Mayer
Crush du Jour: John Mayer, British boys
Happy Thought of the Moment: clarity, motivation, cute puppies, shopping at Target, pizza, This is Spinal Tap, new DVDs, BNL in 3 days (which means a mini-vacay! WOO!), Ralphie tshirts, PD2 on Wednesday, the Red Hot Now station on LaunchCast, dancing, brunch, reconnecting with friends