Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a book, like I'm just a character in a book. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even the main character in the story, I'm just a supporting charater in a cast that revolves around chaos.
Other times I feel like I'm just the comic relief. I am the comic relief. That is my role in life. And honestly, I'm sick of it. I don't want to just be the girl that people look to to laugh. I don't want to make other people feel better because I'm the klutzy one. Or because I'm the one who can make light of a situation.
And granted, that can be a welcome thing and a good quality to have. But I feel like it's the only thing people see me as sometimes.
I'm sick of being looked at as a fuck-up. I want to be admired. I want people to want to be like me. It's egotistical but I don't care. I want to know that I matter.
The name analysis thing I did the other day--it hurt. Because it's true. And everyone that saw it said it was spot-on. It sucks. So I'm passive and have no drive. Great. Where does that leave me?
Oh yeah--KiKi the Clown. Fan-fucking-tastic.
I just want.....I just want to be me. And have people love me for that, not just because I injure myself accidentally or say dumb stuff.
It starts here. It starts now. Accept me or don't talk to me. That's how it's going to be. And if you don't like it, too bad. You won't be entertained by me anymore.
*nods*
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "I Shall Believe" by Sheryl Crow
Crush du Jour: the hottie guitarist from Savage Garden
Happy Thought of the Moment: gettin' my ass out of bed at 7:30 am, my empowered mix, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, being inspired, STD shirt, Savage Garden, blaring John Mayer in the lobby, non-fiction class liking my paper, good lotion, hot showers, bonding with the boss, grilled cheese sales, almost Spring Break, brunch, pop music