I think that I am at a loss for words. For one thing, I'm really tired. Sleep is definitely in my near future. For another, there's a lot of info swimming around in my mind about my new job. I'm still psyched, mind you, probably even more so now--the enthusiasm just keeps building about how fabulous this year is going to be.
But the thing that is totally on my mind at the moment is my guy sitch....or lack thereof. Do I worry too much about this? Because sometimes it seems like that's all that I think about and other times it feels like my life is too chaotic to even think about guys for two nanoseconds.
I still like him. A lot. I've only just realized this within the past couple of days...or maybe even hours. Who knows. The fact remains that I still have pretty intense feelings for him. But it hurts because deep down I am positive that nothing will ever happen between us. Just one of those gut feelings.
In a way, I think that maybe this is a good thing. Because lately we haven't really talked. And when we do, there's lulls in the conversation. Like something's gone--the spark or whatever--that used to be there. And perhaps it is because of summer. Because we didn't see each other and talk for a large chunk of time. And who knows? Perhaps when we get together something will re-click and fireworks will ignite. You just never can tell.
But.......something deep down tells me that this is for the best. The fact that I am sure that nothing will ever occur. Deep down I realize that I deserve to be treated better, to not be left hanging, wondering, waiting. And with him, it seems like that is ALL that I'm doing.
And a little voice says that I shouldn't have chickened out, I should've told him how I feel. I immediately shut that voice up. I realize, feel, KNOW that I made the right choice in playing the non-empowered girl this time. Because, like I said before, I know that I deserve better.
Something better is on the horizon for me. I can just feel it.
I just hope that it rushes over. Waiting is such a pain.
"I'm tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here"
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Living Out My RockStar Fantasy To: 83 by John Mayer, one of my favorite songs ever
Crush Du Jour: Amazingly enough, none, because I'm too emotionally and physically exhausted to even really think about guys (except for the vent I just did above)
Happy Thought of the Moment: ice cold water, friends, goofy moments at training (it's direction, NOT erection like I thought...my bad), the pix of me and Katy and our cars--they are just too hilarious