So this past day has been.........interesting. To say the least.
For starters, I was clawing at the freakin' walls yesterday. I stayed in my room ALL DAY and cleaned. And my room isn't even that messy--that's the really sad part. I swept the un-carpeted part of the floor and made the bathroom look nice and rearranged a bit and tidied up and decorated. And it took THREE HOURS. I don't know how, but it did. It was kind of sad.
So finally at like 6:00 Christy calls me and we decide to bring cans back to WalMart because we were so fucking bored. And broke. Cuz we were gonna need money for tonight (more on that later). So we go there and end up wandering that damn place for an hour and a half. Cuz Christy wanted to see Todd (the hottie--hehehe!), who is one of our friends. But he was on lunch so she made us wander. Which would have been completely fine on any other day or even any other hour, but I was to the point of starvation plus my PMS bitch mode was ready to pounce.
Let me tell you: WalMart, home of the rednecks and trailer trash, is NOT the place to be when you're hungry and bitchy. Fo-sho. I was ready to snap somebody's neck in half.
It could preferrably had been my old roomie's neck. She's the one who got me all bitchy in the first place.
Remember how last week I said that one of my friends saw me and pretty much ignored me like I didn't exist (in Walmart again--how ironic)? Yeah--that would be my old roommate.
The bitch did it again to me last night. She saw me and Christy, rolls her eyes at me, then proceeds to have a 20-minute conversation with Christy, ignoring me the entire time.
WHAT A FUCKING BITCH.
I mean, yeah, so we didn't get along the greatest or anything, but we were friends, really good friend, actually, last year. We went through a lot together. We fought, like any friends normally will--especially if they live together. But I considered her to be a really good friend of mine--like a sister nearly.
And now she won't even say hi to me? She'll just ignore me like I don't exist, like I was never a part of her life?
Nuh-uh. Life don't work that way, honey.
Whatever. I'm too good for her sorry-ass, self-absorbed, me-me-me bitch-world anyway. and I don't want negative people in my life. And that's what she is.
I realize that the irony here right now is that I'm being incredibly negative and bitchy. But this new-found hostility is only towards her lame-ass. So yeah. It's all good.
(FYI: I'm eating this apple struddle thingy I bought out of sheer pathetic hunger while wandering Wally-World yesterday. It's soooo damn good. Mmm)
So then last night there was a GLBTQ-A dancey-clubby-thingy. And I had like 3 "dates" it. Which thrilled me to no end. Then Christy decided she wanted to come too, to try something new. Which thrilled me even more. Go her! And a resident and her boyfriend and a friend came with us too. I had a whole entourage going on. It was pretty fabulous.
Except once I got there, I didn't feel so fabulous. I kind of got the same feeling I got when I was at the Shamrock on Halloween--the sinking depressing, I-hate-being-alone feeling.
It was totally not brought on by anything either. I don't get it.
And I don't think it helped either that my little entourage ditched me pretty much the moment we stepped in the door. (I knew I'd be the 5th wheel--lesson to self, I guess.)
But it sucked. The party thingy itself was awesome--it was really packed and a ton of my friends were there. And I met some new people, which made me really happy.
Oh, I have to say this before I go any further with the depressing stuff: the hottie bartender gave me free drinks (even though they were non-alcoholic) so that TOTALLY made my night. *grin*
But anyways.....I didn't feel right. It was EXACTLY the feeling I had on Halloween. The sinking, I'm-alone feeling. The one that makes you want to hit on anything that moves. A rock-bottom feeling of sorts.
And that makes me confused. Because I really don't want a boyfriend. I mean, yeah, I want Sex God to be my boyfriend....I think. But I don't want a boyfriend. It's too much work. Too much time. Too much effort. Too much everything. I don't know. You tell me--do I need a guy? Maybe I am lonely, maybe I do need somebody. I really don't know anymore. I'd like to think that I don't, but I'm thinking those feelings from the clubs are telling me differently.
At any rate I left the club feeling notsovery great. And I left the entourage there. (They seemed to be having fun without me there as a buffer, so why should I bother?) I went back with Nick and Larissa.
I was really tired, even though it was only midnight.
I've decided that I'm not a party girl. (duuuh) That was my discovery for the night. I'd rather just chill out with a bunch of my friends then be in a situation where there may be pressure to meet "the one" and get wasted. To me, that just sounds stupid. I want situations where I can be genuine and not one-dimensional. Yes, the dancing aspect of clubbing is quite fabulous, but I have more fun doing it in my room and not in front of people who are watching like I'm on display in some twisted meat-market.
I went back to my room and crawled into bed. I was dozing off, when the phone rang.
It turned out to be my darling Joe. Honestly, he saved my night. Thank you so much for that honey!! We talked for nearly an hour straight. It was the best conversation I've had in weeks.
I miss him so much. Sooooo much. I wish he could come up here just so I get lost in his bear-hug. I didn't realize how much he meant to me until he moved back to Detroit. And I know his Detroit life is fabulous with his boyfriend, wonderful job, active social life, and college. But part of me wished he'd give it up just to come back to Northern. I know that's not going to happen, and I realize that it's hella better for him to be there. But so many people love him here. Me being the one who loves him most.
The conversation was so great. He made my night...actually my weekend. He put everything in perspective for me. He restored the self-love in some respect. He made me realize that I am fabulous, I am a goddess: wonderful, fabulous, smart, funny, fabulous.
God, he's so wonderful. Too bad he's gay.
The self-love is restored. Thank you for that, hon. It was just what I needed.
So yesterday turned out to be crazy. Quite the rollercoaster. I think I needed it though, because I needed to do some thinking and soul-searching. It was the kick in the ass that I needed. And I just thought it was going to be a typical day. *grin*
I'm gonna go grab brunch.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Impossible" by Christina Aguilera (Her new cd is sooo good! It's fast becoming the soundtrack to my life.)
Crush du Jour: don't really have one at this moment....
Happy Thought of the moment: late-night phone convos with darling Joe, free drinks, cutie bartenders, dancing, looking sex-ay, cute tops, comfy jammies, sleeping in, getting lots of sleep for once, a clean clean room, grocery shopping, apple tart, long hot showers, happy IMs, Harry Potter again today, Thingy from Proud Family, gettin' stuff done, SG, John Mayer, cute eye makeup, Greg Proops here in 3 days!!!!!