Aww. One of my friends just got a boyfriend. How sweet. I told her I'd bake cookies if she did something to push the non-relationship into a relationship and she did. Now I gotta learn how to bake. Dammit.
It's so sweet. I could tell how much she liked him--she got all giggly and glowy every time she talked about him. It was there, she just needed to not be a chicken. She needed to make something happen.
What an analogy for my life.
I have no cajones. I have no spine whatsoever when it comes to guys. When I get a crush I bounce around and grin like an idiot. Aaand that's about it. I don't make the first move. Ever. I asked a guy out once. Then I felt like I was going to die. Then after he said yes I ran out of the place. Because I am smooth.
I wish I was bold. I wish I could slink up to a guy, deliver some smooth line and get five phone numbers in a night. But that's not me.
I was talking with Erin about dorking around in NYC (only 8 days away!). She was talking about finding some random guy to make out with and I said it'd be fun. She said I'd never do it. Because it's not me.
It's true. I don't think I could ever just randomly hook up with a guy that I don't feel a connection with. Because I want more than just a few minutes of fun.
I've been through this before. I know, I'm getting deja vu. I know I've written about this and I'm sounding like a broken record.
There's no point to this besides just trying to sort my blob of thoughts on paper, er, site.
I'm not bold enough to make the first move. I emulate confidence and for the most part I am a very confident chica. But when it comes to guys, that level dips. One of my friends has this theory--he calls it "ugly girl trauma." It's when a girl doesn't have a great love-life during middle and high school--like ugly girls. it's mean, but when he explains it makes a lot of sense. Even if a girl is hot and smart and talented, if she had ugly girl trauma early on, it taints how she views guys and her love life and how she'll approach it.
I, Krissy, had ugly girl trauma. Hello, I still do. Because I'm not bold. Because maybe deep down I don't think I deserve any guy. Which is utter shit because I know I'm fabulous. I just have to get past this trauma.
Humph.
I just wish sometimes that this one part of my life wasn't so bleak. I'm not too worried about my future, my family's amazing, my friends are even more amazing, my life is pretty grand. There's just no significant other to cuddle with or share the little moments with. And sometimes that'd be nice.
The quiet things--that's why I need cajones. Because sometimes even this big-mouthed diva just wants to cuddle.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~