It is officially self-loathing day. Yup yup. And it's so funny cuz lately people have been telling me how confident and secure I am. Yeah I know I'm goddess-like.
But even the most secure goddess-chicks get attacked by zits at the most inopportune moments. This morning I woke up and found 3 monsterous zits looming in various places on my face. That's not so cool. Gaah.
Then when I dragged my butt to the bathroom I looked like Incredible Albino Girl. I barely recognized myself. Mental scenario for you all: I stumble into the bathroom and flick on the (waaay too bright for early morning) lights. Par for course, my hair is sticking up in ten gabillion directions. But I'm used to that. The rest of my face--yeah, that took some getting used to. The zits are comfortably residing on the corners of my forehead and middle of my cheek. My skin--sooooo pale, and I really have no clue WHY. Eyebrows--unkempt. Nose--looked smushy and NOT like my nose at all. It looked smushed. Whyyyyy? Baggies under the eyes, which, charmingly, in turn made my eyes look really really small.
I look so charming today.
Come and get me boys. Hehe
And I know that I look like shiznit, but I feel fine. I'm not sick, I'm quite happy-happy. It's just a weird/odd-looking day for me I guess.
Go figure.
I was going through some papers earlier today and I saw a name that looked familiar--just baaarely familiar, but I knew it. It belonged to this guy that my friend was conveniently trying to hook me up with, or at least get me to distract him, while she made a move on his (way cuter) friend. Of course, this all happened waaay back in freshman year, so it's totally ancient history. I just can't believe that I remembered who this guy was.
It got me thinking though....and we all know how healthy that is for me sometimes. So I was totally just the 3rd wheel while my "friend" tried to hookup with this other guy freshman year. And the more I thought about it, the more that I realized that that's pretty much usually the case. When I go out with my friends, guys will talk to me, be nice to me, but they'll make passes at my friends. I'm the side-kick, the compadre, the shoulder fairy that laughs it up and sprinkles fairy dust as my friends ride happily into the sunset (at least for the night, or week....). I'm the go-between, the girl making sure all goes well between both parties. Damn--I'm the fucking ambassador. That's depressing.
Sooo...when is this ambassador gonna get her day? It seems like NEVER. I'm highly frustrated. I don't have a crush, a lead, NOTHING right now. And, I mean, it's fine, I'm loving the whole independent-got-a-hella-busy-schedule-and-fabulous-friends thang. But every once in a while a realization like this just HITS you smack in your gut and you just falter for a minute. And it's a good thing. I'm not invincible, I'm not fooling anyone, so I'm incredibly grateful for this little epiphany. But at the same time I'm really frustrated. I just want to bask in some guy's adoration for a bit. All my friends are happily hooked up. Wow--yeah that's pretty true when I think about it. It's gotta be my number soon enough, right?
And I have this gut feeling. I've had it for a few weeks now. I just have this feeling that somethign is gonna happen, that something's coming just around the bend, something's storming below the horizon. And I'm excited and scared, because I have no idea if it's the truth or not.
I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
And who knows--we're all wrong at some point. I could be wrong now, I could be wrong about my theory. I don't know.
Sleepiness has set in. I need my daily nap.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "There Is" by BoxCar Racer
Crush du Jour: Jimmy Fallon
Happy Thought of the Moment: big bottles of water, tuna subs, seeing friends, inspiration to cook, naps, hope, my pearly ring