So today's been nice. Really nice. I got to talk to my mommy for a good half an hour. I miss her so much sometimes. I really wish that I had gone home to see her for Spring Break. Yeah. I really wish I had. It would have been nice to just chill out with her, play with Bella, go to dinner with Katy. Awww--now I'm all vaklempt. Gaah.
*tear*
If you couldn't tell my Spring Break wasn't so very stellar. I mean, I'm sure it could've been worse, but it DEFINITELY could have been better.
And I'm probably gonna piss someone off by saying what I'm going to say, but I MUST get this offa my chest.
I am NOT anybody's floormat. If you have low self-esteem don't use me as a scapegoat to rip on and tear apart, just to boost yourself. I'm not saying that this was necessarily the case, but it was annoying as all fuck and I'm NOT tolerant of anybody who does that to me. I don't have any respect for anyone who decides to rip on me at every possible chance just for the hell of it. Not cool. Nuh-uh.
Along those lines....I don't like being in situations where I feel stifled and gagged and trapped where I can't express what I'm feeling or thinking--or when I do it falls on deaf ignorant ears. And that's pretty much how I felt the entire trip. It may have just been me over-reacting a bit, but who knows. I felt like I couldn't say what I was thinking or feeling in fear of being ripped on EVEN MORE. It was kind of like a flashback to elementary school when I was the new dork who got teased for anything and everything, no matter what.
Let me tell you--if you try to ignore people who are being complete and utter retards in an attempt to get them to stop being completely retarded...it just doesn't work. Yeah, I tried. I tried to be the bigger person, to have inner poise, to channel my inner Ghandi/Buddha/Jesus-figure. It just didn't work.
Do you KNOW how frustrating it is to feel like you're stifled--especially when you're with the people you thought were your good friends, the people that you love and hold close and trust?
I picked a bad time to give up swearing. (I'm trying to give it up for Lent, even though I'm not Catholic. I'm sure God understands how I've been feeling lately. Nothing other than swears can accurately communicate how precisely I'm feeling.)
I don't get it. I'm incredibly frustrated and totally pissed--both at them and at myself. I had a gut feeling. I really did. I KNEW that it could end bad. But the optimist in me said that I was being totally paranoid and that this would be a good bonding experience.
Ooooh yeah--mullets and shitty music and the word tits. Those are a few great things to bond over--for the two people that decided to make my week not-so-stellar.
Gaaah.
Let me just say:
A.) I in no way, shape or form sport the hair-do known as a mullet. Mullets are sported by white-trash, metal-loving hicks. A mullet has short hair on top and long-ass hair layered underneath. My hair is reminiscent of Kelly Osbourne's and Mandy Moore's cute haircuts. It's NOT a mullet. If you're hair sucks, then I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean that you have to rip on my styyyyyle. I've got it going on and I'm fabulous. Sorry if you don't have enough sense to see that.
B.) Radiohead sucks major ass in my book. I don't care if the whole universe enjoys them, I just don't see it. And I'm totally not gonna get that "genius" if I'm forced to listen to it playing on MY cd player, in MY stereo, IN MY FUCKING CAR. I will never ever like them now, just to be spiteful and immature and stubborn. Mwahahahahaaaa!
C.) Oh I'm not even going to get into the word "tit." I'm sure I've talked about it before. Gaah.
Enough about that. Other than all the negativity that I'm feeling, the trip was kind of fun. I got a lot of shopping in, my companions were entertaining and lovable (when they weren't trying to piss me off or tear me down), I have a rekindled love of Chicago and I've discovered that Rexy needs lots of love. I love my car. I really do.
The greatest adventure of the trip occurred two hours from NMU on the way home--go figure. The battery light came on after the Bridge and wouldn't go off. We figured we could make it home safely if we didn't shut the car off.
Not so much. I knew we were in trouble when the blinker wouldn't come on and the dashboard lights kept getting dimmer....and dimmer...and dimmer.
I barely pulled the car into the gas station when it died on me. Actually Rexy died on me AS we were pulling in the parking lot.
Scene: snowy, dead car in Engadine--tiny village with a gas station and a bar. And THAT'S IT.
But I totally believe in miracles now. It turns out that there was a garage a block from the gas station. Actually it was an auto parts store with a garage attached to it. The owners of the place were so supersweet. They restored my faith in human kind (which I needed after my *ahem* companions' little tease-fest). They called over a mechanic, who diagnosed the problem (failed alternator--old--gah) and fixed it in under two hours. It was great.
It's time like that when you realize that there is indeed a higher power looking out for you. The car didn't die until we got a populated area. And there was a garage with eager, willing people who fixed it in no time. During the time the car was getting fixed the little windy-storm thang that was blowing through the UP died down and the rest of the drive back was totally fine.
Everything happens for a reason. I certainly have a guardian angel (or realm of them, probably in my case) watching out for me.
I'm incredibly grateful. I'm so grateful for the whole trip. Even the bad parts. Cuz even though I'm hurting, I know that it'll get better. And I'm just taking it as a learning experience. I'm a lot stronger and a hell of a lot more determined due to this. I've realized a lot of things because of the whole trip. It may take time to heal a bit, but I'm sure things will be fine. Like I said a couple entries ago--I still love my friends, I'm just not impressed with how I was treated during the trip. I thought we had relationships based on trust and respect. And I thought they'd be slightly grateful for me being there because it was my car that fueled the trip--without ME there wouldn't have been a trip. Hmmm....
I don't know. I'm sorry if I've pissed anyone off. I didn't mean to, I just needed to vent, to think, to sort my feelings out. I feel a million times better now.
Gaah.
I'm gonna head to bed.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: Boy Meets World on Disney Channel
Crush du Jour: Orando Bloom
Happy Thought of the Moment: Disney Channel, venting outlet, quality time with Brett, comfy pjs, finding my favorite jeans, freshly clean laundry, icy cold water, FAO Schweets (mmm), possible CSI with Amanda (hurray!), being done with my FAFSA form, tax money, Club Libby Lu girly stuff, anything glittery or sparkly, seeing friends, hugs, new bulletin boards, talking with my mommy, cds from BMG, DVD selection process (BRETT!!!), cute new clothes, dirty-like jeans, cute cereal bowl from Hot Plate (painted by moi!), new magazines to read