Deep breath. Deeeeep breaths. Wow. That's all I really can say. I can't really talk at the moment cuz I'm afraid I'm just going to break down crying. Even really thinking right now is a harsh reality for me. I just want to reiterate how happy I am that I have this diary as an outlet to express myself because I totally need it right now.
Before you go and get all worried--I am fine, nothing is wrong, everyone of my loved ones is fine.
I just got back from The Laramie Project. It was absolutely pheonomenal. If you don't know what it is, it's pretty much a bunch of monologues about the Matthew Shepard case in Larmaie Wyoming. About all these people affected by it and that were part of it and who knew bits of the story--it's like you get a telling from many aspects, which was really cool. No--cool is not even the word that I could use to describe this. Amazing. Fabulous. Outstanding. Emotional. Heartfelt.
Seriously I have never been so moved or affected by anything else in my life the way I was affected by this.
I can't stop crying. I bawled at a lot of parts during the play. I bawled during intermissions. I cried as I hugged my friend Jay. I cried at the panel discussion afterwards. I'm about to lose it again now.
I told my friends that I just needed some "me-time" when we got back to the dorms. I just needed time to process everything and think and feel and cry.
I didn't think that I'd be so touched or affected by it. I figured I'd cry, but not to this extent.
Ultimately the play is a journey. And I kind of embarked on one myself. I've always been an advocate for my gay friends. I've always been there for them, and what not. But I guess I didn't fully realize how hard it must be for them--what they really have to go through daily, the pain that they suffer, what they have to deal with, all because they decided to be true to themselves. It really just doesn't seem fair.
I don't understand why some people have to suffer so much just because some people can't find it in themselves to just accept things as they are, and love no matter what, and show unending compassion.
(FYI: I really can't stop bawling over here. It's really bad.)
The thing that totally blows my mind was the whole religious aspect. I didn't know that one assanine preacher picketed outside of Matthew's funeral, protesting against homosexuality. Does this man have no compassion whatsoever?
To me, a true Christian, a truely religious person would follow Jesus' example and just love and accept and forgive and move on.
That preacher is NOT a real Christain. He is going to rot in Hell. I hope and pray that he ends up there, suffering for all of eternity.
I just don't understand. That's what is really hard for me. Why can't everybody just come to grips with reality and figure out that there are going to be things that they may not agree with, but at the same time, accept it, and move on. Don't dwell. Live and let live.
I just....I feel so bad. I feel overwhelmed by emotion and compassion and misunderstanding. Just this huge ball of emotions. I want peace. And acceptance. I want everyone to be peaceful and happy. Harmony.
Matthew Shepard was persecuted just because he was gay. Because a couple of idiots weren't comfortable enough in their own masculinity and sexuality and in Matthew's sexuality. So they tortured him and beat him senseless and left him for dead. It all just seems senseless.
It's scary the world that we are living in today. I can't get over this whole non-acceptance thing. And I feel like I'm totally shouldering a huge worldly burden.
I wish that I could just make everything right. I wish that Matthew hadn't died so senselessly. I wish nobody would die because of their sexuality or their race or their beliefs or anything else that may set them apart from "norms."
And what really scares me is that Laramie is so fucking similar to Marquette. Same size city, university city....it's just kind of scary and jolting to think of it. And actually there was a case similar to this case that happened in Marquette. Somebody was brutally beaten and murdered on Presque Isle, but the killer was never found--it was a hate crime. It's really tragic and sad.
I just keep wondering why. I guess I don't understand what would motivate somebody to hate someone so much that they feel that the hated person must die. What is wrong with the world today?
I guess if anything, awareness is being raised about hate-crimes and homosexuality. I hope that some people get some serious soul-searching out of this play. I hope people really think about their views and I hope others will change their views for the better.
I'm emotionally drained. But I feel a lot better. I'm all cried out. I needed to do this. I needed to reflect and soul-search. It's what is healthy for me.
And, by the way--I'm still on a high, despite the above stuff. I knew going to this play would be emotional for me, but that made me want to see it all the more.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My Rockstar Fantasy To: Soothing Enya Music:Paint the Sky with Stars--it's perfect for soul-searching and emotional dumping
Crush du Jour:,/B>Not that this is really appropriate, but one of the actors was a hottie--a cross between Matt Damon and a young Mark McGrath (I am sooo bad)
Happy Thought of the Moment: being lifted of an emotional burden, seeing things in a whole new light, thunderstorms, my new hoodie