Blaaaaaaaah. So much has occurred this weekend, soooo much has happened, and all I really want to do is vent. I'll do my venting entry then come back later to do a happiness entry, because right now I feel like if I don't get this out somehow I'm going to explode...or implode. Yeah....
So I'm really stressed out. And I don
t really have a solid reason why. I think it's just because everything has just hit me--realization about a lot of stuff. My raffle is gonna creep up on me sooner than I think if I don't get my ass in gear (which I FINaLLY have--thank GOD for that), I have projects in 2 different classes which I have yet to actually start. They aren't due until around Thanksgiving, but I'm really attempting to NOT procrastinate on them because I really really don't want to end up a massive ball of stress. I'm juggling a bunch of AP duties--programs (which I have no clue what I'm doing for the hall--I have NO ideas), HAC, the raffle. Yeah, I'm kind of flipping out right now.
Actually, now that it's all down and I can look at it, it doesn't look all that bad.
I guess my problem is procrastination. I really don't WANT to procrastinate, I just do. I've been working on it. I know that if I procrastinate, I'll stress and things won't be good cuz I'll be crabby and no fun. It sucks really bad--believe me. And I know that it's a chain reaction, if I procrastinate in the AP field than my residents will suffer and that's no good cuz then they're screwed and I'm screwed--we all screwed pretty much.
NO MORE PROCRASTINATING. Nope nope nope. I will be focused and determined and energetic and superwoman-like. Yes.
I feel empowered.
The other area that sucks right now is my family--dad particularily. It just really is not good. I went to visit him today and we seriously have NOTHING to discuss. He still sees me as the little girl he abandoned so many years ago. And that's mostly cuz of his seizure or whatever and I try to be understanding and patient, but it's hard. I'm not that patient. I'm not the one who left, I shouldn't have to deal with him and his inadequacies and feelings of regret or whatever. I realize that he's trying. And I accept that. Can I just move on? I accept that he left the family and everything and didn't really realize how profound an impact that had on us. I'm just attempting to get past it.
I could go on about this. As much as I'd like to think at times that I'm adjusted, part of me would like to just scream at him for being so stupid. I think it'd be very therapeutic. Yeah....
K, I need to jet for the moment. Nick and I are having dinner. Mmm...MarketPLace food--nothin' better. Riiight.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: 83 by John Mayer (yay!)
Crush du Jour: bass player from Crash (sooo cute and yummy)
Happy Thought of the Moment:dates, old friends, shopping, dancing, John Mayer, late-night dinners, non-stop convos, peacoats, hearing from mommy, having caaaash, Stitch, Cherry Coke, cheesecake, Chinese food, a clean room, mix cd's, being silly