Ain't it funny how a moment can just change your life/ And you don't want to face what's wrong or right...
God, I am so stupid sometimes. That's all I keep thinking. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. Here's Krissy--Stupidest girl on earth.
So I had a lapse of judgement. I didn't think before I acted--which really is a first because usually I waaaay over-analyze things.
And now.......my world could come crashing down on me.
Because of a couple of hours. Because I failed to think.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid
And what am I going to tell everybody if the worst does happen? Oh GOD--what am I going to tell my mom? That's gonna be the hardest thing.
I can't stop crying. The tears just keep free-flowing down my cheeks.
This is the worst feeling ever. I hate it.
Why didn't I think? Why why why?
I know everything happens for a reason. And I KNOW that everything works out for the best in the end. But do you think that that comforts me at all at the moment?
Hell no.
I won't go down without a fight. And if I go down, I guarantee it'll be in a blaze of glory.
But I really hope it doesn't come down to that.
It's funny how one tiny thing can totally change the course of things to come. (Ponder that for a while.)
I feel like shit. I am so remorseful and apologetic right now that it's not even funny. I seriously couldn't feel any worse that I do right now than if I had raped and pillaged an entire village. Seriously.
And talking with the person that I needed to talk to didn't help too much. She was scaring me with her seriousness. I feel like the worst has already happened. I understand the severity of the situation now, believe me.
I feel soooo bad. I feel like my heart's been ripped out, chopped into a gabillion pieces, shoved in a blender, frapped, than crudely sewn back together and shoved back in.
I hope nobody ever has to feel like I do right now.
It suuuuucks.
I've said too much. I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut. I need to go and try to get my spirits up. Maybe a shower. Maybe sleep.
Maybe I'll wake up and realize this was all a bad dream.....
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "Everywhere" by Michelle Branch
Crush du Jour: boys aren't the biggest thing on my mind at the moment...
Happy Thought of the Moment: comforting words from friends, huge hugs, warm showers, sleeping, John Mayer and Paula Cole's cds (the ONLY thing that's making me happy at the moment), Stitch, Mango, my soft blankie