Do you ever wonder why people come into your life? Do you ever stop to think why a person plays a role, however small or large, in the novel that becomes each of our lives?
One day a few months ago I was at one of my favorite bars with a close friend of mine. We were sitting at a table near the dance floor, biding our time, when a beautiful blonde girl came off the dance floor and directed herself towards our table. I had never seen this girl before in my life, but her eyes shined and she literally glowed. I was enchanted before she even opened her mouth to announce to the strangers that she had just gotten engaged. Me, being me, I lept up and gave her a congratulatory hug, because really? Yay love. She sat down and began talking with us about her engagement and her love story and her life story. And though this girl beamed, it was soon clear that she had seen pain in her past. It was also clear that she did not see herself the way my friend and I saw her. I saw a gorgeous, vivacious girl with a whole life ahead of her, she saw herself as a former fat girl who was afraid of being hurt again. We only talked for maybe fifteen minutes, but I've thought about her a couple of times since our meeting. Each time I do I say a silent prayer that she's healing and doing well. I don't even remember her name, but I know that she's made an impact on me.
There are the people who play minute roles in your life, who sometimes only get a small mention or a moment of thought. Then there our others who occupy your every waking minute like John. Try as I might I cannot stop thinking about him or feeling how I feel, whether it's a good or a bad emotion. Some days I wake up longing to be in his arms. Other days I'll be preoccupied with work-like things and a song or a random remark will send my mind spiraling towards some memory of a moment we shared together. Other times I'll get plowed over by the sheer massivity of what happened between us--or more importantly, what happened to me--and break down. His role in my life was not meant to be one of the lead romantic interest, rather he has turned out to be the villain of sorts, albeit one I learned much from before the unfortunate final act of the relationship.
Other times in life you don't know how much of an impact you may make on another's life. While I like to think that I play a major role in many of my loved ones' lives (because really? I am vain and full of myself), I never know how true that really is. I'm also realistic enough to know that I might barely play a role at all. But I'm also acutely aware that sometimes I make a bigger impact that even I realize. Since the break-up this blog has brought me closer to a girl I went to high school with. She read about my ordeal and felt compelled to email me. She suffered a world of hurt due to a horrendous event and she felt that she could share her pain with me. She said that because of my story, my voice, she found the strength to open up and seek help--something she couldn't do before.
I couldn't breathe as I read her story. I was in disbelief about how much this amazing woman went through and how brave she is. And there she was telling me that somehow I helped her. That is nothing short of amazing.
Some people are only in our lives for a short time with a minor role to play. However sometimes those roles and the words you say and how you act can make all the difference in the world. I believe that all of our lives intersect for a reason. Some remain a mystery that only time can help to unravel and heal. Others play a very specific role.