The U.P Gestapo is out to get me.
The U.P. Gestapo being the NMU Public Safety department.
Apparently they have nothing better to do than hunt down the fiendish evil-doers that so selfishly may or may not park in--gasp--wrong parking lots.
Dun dun duuun.
I am a lazy person. I like to drive, not walk. Walking--hahahaa!--whatever is that? (Maybe that's why my ass is so unrounded--I sit on it to much. Hmm. Anyways...) Especially when it starts getting cold. Like this girl is going to walk to work. I mean, geez, it's a whole ten. minutes. away. Gaah.
So I drive to work.
And I park in illegal parking lots.
I am a renegade.
Admittedly I got away with it for over a month. I loved it. I parked in the closest lot during my midnight shift and prayed to the parking lot gods that I wouldn't come back to find a little yellow ticket tucked under my windshield wiper. I'd walk out to my car, wring my hands, squig my eyes up and murmur "don'tlettherebea-ticket don'tlettherebea-ticket" until I saw my windshield gleaming under the garish lot lights ticket free. Then I'd squeal and be on a high because I got away with it.
This went on for a month without the gestapo catching me. They'd try, but they never got me. I zoomed past them in the lots as they doled out little yellow tickets of doom, looking all smug in their red jackets (which look a lot like Member's Only jackets now that I think about it...). A few times they scowled. One even shook his fist at me. I just laughed my evil laugh as I pulled away from the illegal lot.
Then one day it happened. I didn't even realize that I'd gotten a ticket. I drove through campus all squealy that I'd gotten away with illegally parking once again, not realizing that a stupid golden ticket was flapping in the wind. My roommate found it about half an hour after I got home. She broke the news to me like a doctor does to an anxious wife. I screamed when she presented it to me. Then I got angry. And I ripped up the ticket.
Oh yes. I am that evil of an evil-doer. I ripped up the ticket. My roommate gasped. I laughed all evil-like. The tiny yellow shreds looked so very pretty in my pink wastebasket.
A week later I parked in the same parking lot, almost the same spot. I was just running into the UC to grab some people. In and out. Simple; it'd take two minutes. In the two minutes that that I was in there rounding up my posse', the gestapo came around. In their rusted-out truck nonetheless. When I saw it parked behind my red Rexy I let out a squeal that shall never again be duplicated and tore over the grass to the lot. I never ran so fast in my life. (That probably will never be duplicated again either.) I got there as the (cute, but still so very evil) gestapo-man was about to write out the ticket. He'd stopped because he heard my intimidating battle cry and feared me, the Parking Ticket Gestapo-Slayer.
Actually he stopped because he heard my shriek and promptly doubled over because he was laughing so hard. Either way I got out of another ticket.
Too bad my sides hurt until the next day from vaulting across the lawn so fast. BUT! No ticket, so it was totally worth it.
It's nearly rediculous. Every day I see the red-jacketed villians lurking the parking lots, eagerness seething from their pores as they hunt down the evil parking lot dwellers. One almost got run over by the LRC the other day. The driver is my new hero. Seriously--do the Public Safety people have nothing better to do than ticket people? Maybe it's a bad thing that Marquette doesn't have a lot of crime. Just kidding.
My new theory is that they ticket so much because of the money they get. Twenty-five dollars for a ticket. TWENTY-FIVE bucks. It's insane. When I started here, it was ten dollars per parking violation. It's still the same type "crime", why did the price double?
I heard how much revenue is brought in by parking tickets. For the amount of money that's made, I could retire to the Bahamas right now, have a condo and two nearly-naked cabana boys. They make that much money.
Not from me though. Today, I was parked in a residential lot (I used to be a resident, I was working in a residential hall--why shouldn't I be able to park there?) and as I loped out to my car, I saw one of the Members Only jackets in my row. I jetted to my car and slid in seat as the guy was about to get the ticket out. Nice try, buddy. I waved and grinned my ass off as I pealed out of the parking lot.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~