So perhaps being without my computer this whole weekend was a blessing in disguise. Granted, I felt disconnected from my friends with no instant messanger and I hated not writing in here or Live-Journal. But being without my laptop was probably a good thing.
For one, I finally unpacked my room. It's not decorated yet, but I plowed through most of the boxes. I didn't find my earring box which pisses me off to no end, but I finally have room in my bedroom. Hurrah for that.
For another, I came had a revelation. I am a lazy person. I realize this. I don't like it. I realize that I have tons of goals and I can be hella motivated when I need to be. But for the most part I feel like I'm lazy. This affects every part of my life. I end up breaking promises, I end up continuously late and I feel like shit when these things happen.
No more.
I refuse to satisfice anymore. If something happens, I'm usually think "well, it's ok, I wanted it to be different, but I can just go about it this way now." I satisfice. I bend. I'm so fucking flexible that my nickname should really be rubber sometimes.
I need to follow through and do things when they need to get done. Yes, packing should have been done a couple of weeks ago. That I wasn't too worried about because that was a personal thing. But the other things in my life....
I don't know.
All I know is that I don't like this aspect of my personality and my life. I procrastinate. It's not so bad in the summer because I really have nothing pressing to accomplish. But I'm sick of putting things off and making excuses.
It's not going to happen anymore. I'm going to be a girl of my word.
And I have this theory about this whole thing too: the first part of my life consisted of my dad breaking promises to me and my family. What I'm doing now could be my way of sending my frustrations and pain into the universe. Subconsciously I may think that if I've been hurt, then others should be too. It's horrendous, but I'm glad that I realized this.
I know that I hurt my friends by what I do. I hate it. Which is why I'm changing. Consciously changing. I don't like hurting and I don't like hurting my friends. It's not healthy, it's not cool.
This is something I need to do.
And I'm overjoyed that I've just made the first step.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My Rockstar Fantasy To: "all Day Long I Think About Sex" by JC Chasez (EMILY!!! It just came on LaunchCast radio! WOOO! I realize it's not really office appropriate, but I don't care. WOO!)
Crush du Jour: bookstore hottie from my shopping excursion yesterday
Happy Thought of teh Moment: this currently playing song, Breakfast Club, cold cereal, breakfast foods in generak, plowing through huge projects and feelin' accomplished, warm fuzzy sweaters, cute dangly earrings, house-warming presents (thanks, Aaron!), 80s music, Dave the Barbarian, having a bedroom and not a box storage room, my fuzzy pink blanket, drinking games, yummy food, midnight WalMart run tonight, White Oleander (less than 50 pages to go!), new cds, owning a cookbook (woo!)