On some level I feel like I'm living a lie. How, I'm not exactly sure. But I feel like I am.
And do you know what's making me feel this way? Fear.
And I hate that I'm feeling it so much right now. And I hate that I'm feeling so insecure right now. And I particularly hate that I'm kind of really letting it run my life.
I don't want to live in fear. I don't! But I feel so overwhelmed.
The reality of not having a job has officially sunk in. While I still think that resigning is the best choice, I'm scared that I won't find a good job. Or a job where I feel fulfilled or happy.
And I'm scared that I'll have to leave Marquette. Because--let's face it--I know I will. Am I ready to leave my friends and family? Can I do this?
Am I just being a pussy? I feel like I am. But that doesn't make me feel any less scared by my current situation. I feel like I'm drowning a little bit. And I don't know how to save myself. Which is both ironic and sad because I'm the only one who can save me. Right?
The bottom line? I'm just a little screwed up right now. And I don't like it.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~