True love is a misconception.
Notice that I didn't say that it was a lie. Or a falsity. Or that it was nonexistant. Rather, I said that it is a misconception.
Little girls grow up believing in "happily ever after". They believe in Prince Charming and being rescued and getting swept off their feet. I grew up believing that stuff. I still do. I swoon every time I watch Cinderella. And when I saw Enchanted a few weeks ago I was all set to go hunting for the portal that would lead me to the fairy tale world. Fairy tales make love look so easy, so effortless.
But I now know better than that.
John and I celebrated our one-year anniversary on Wednesday. And I can honestly say that this has been the happiest, most challenging year of my entire existance. Because of love.
I could write a book about everything that I've learned from this man. It's incredibly remarkable the amount of patience and commitment that he has. I am so lucky to have him in my life. And I truly do want to build a life with him.
That being said, this year has not been one long happily ever after. Instead, the honeymoon phase wore thin after a few months and our true selves began to emerge. He saw what a diva I can be. I saw his inner adolescent come out on more than one occasion. We both realized that there are a couple of issues that we do not see eye-to-eye on. (And those are the topics I now refuse to discuss with him because of the, uh, "talks" we've had about said topics.)
I came to realize that it's not my world and everyone's just lucky to live in it. I didn't realize how much compromise actually goes into a relationship. I really just thought that a mate was one who'd comfort you when you're down, cuddle with you when it's cold and kiss you whenever the mood strikes. While John does all of those things and much, much more I came to a hard realization early on that if this was going to work then I was going to have to stop being so selfish.
In my defense, I never knew this because I'd never been in a committed relationship before him. So I had no way of truly knowing what lay before me when he asked me to be his girlfriend a year ago.
What lay ahead was plenty of laughter. He always knows how to make me smile, whether it's quoting Anchorman or telling me how lucky he is to have me in his life. What lay ahead were fights. Long fights. Intense fights. Fights where both of us ended up exhausted and dehydrated from bouts of crying. Fights that ended with one or both of us holding the other and weeping. What lay ahead was forgiveness. While we are both stubborn fighters, we have mutually learned to forgive and forget, which can be hard if harsh things were uttered in the heat of the moment. What lay ahead was understanding. Committing to another is a significant and huge thing that shouldn't be taken lightly. I didn't realize that fully when I said yes, I'll be yours. There are things about John that I don't like. And there are things about me that he could do without. But it's the compromising and the acceptance of the whole individual as well as the coaxing of growth that helps us to be better people and a better couple.
Being in a relationship has helped me to grow more than I could have ever imagined. I know more about myself while losing myself to the relationship at the same time. Every day brings new challenges and new rewards. Each time I kiss him I remember how lucky I am to have him in my life. Every time he holds me I thank God for bringing him to me. There are hard moments. And times when I think that perhaps being single is easier for me. But then I remember the love that he shows for me. And I think of the indescribable looks he gives me daily that continue to shoot shivers through every nerve. And I know that love is worth it. It's worth the compromises. And the sacrifices. And the patience learned. And the tears shed. And the forgiveness practiced. And the growth that occurs.
True love is a misconception. It isn't something that merely falls into your lap. It's something that you have to work at. This is one lesson that this princess never learned until her prince came along. And while the story isn't exactly a fairy tale the meaning behind it makes me feel better than any movie or story ever has.
Ciao, dahling!