I fear that I'm turning into something I'm really not. The more I spend time with my friends the more I find myself not talking. And I don't know why. I still laugh and make stupid comments a lot, but lately I've realized that usually I just make little remarks like "that's awesome" or "how funny" to their anecdotes. That. Isn't. Me. And I don't really understand why I'm doing this. I fear I'm losing my personality. Or my ability to really fully express myself. Yes, I can be introspective. But this is rediculous. I don't want to do this, but if I don't really know why I am, then how am I to change it? Maybe owning it is the first step.
I also worry that I don't have passion anymore. A lot of my friends have new-found zests for life. Me? I feel stuck in a rut, in a sense. Yes, life is still good: I have fun friends, I'm on the brink of graduation (knock on wood) and I have a lot to look forward to in the near-distant future. But lately I feel I've been lacking the fire that a lot of people seem to have found. I'm quite excited for them. I just want to find it for myself now. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I'm on emotional overload. Or my newfound restlessness with being in classes. Something.
I'm also afraid I'm growing retarded. I mean this in the most literal, non-offensive way. I can't talk lately. Seriously. Everytime I go to talk I feel like Mushmouth: "gabadahbagaabadahhbabagagaduh." Like, I can't properly ennunciate. Like I have a speech impediment. The hell? I'm a communications major, dammit, I should be able to say "you're welcome" or "ciao for now" without sounding like a blittering idiot. Maybe this problem is connected to the other two somehow.
Or maybe I just need to stop whining and get up and DO something.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~