"Tonight's topic: ladies, can you define exactly what 'romantic' means?"
My first impulse was to laugh at the radio DJ. Driving home from grabbing take-out, I really just wanted to hear the lastest Lady Gaga song, not hear college kids' answers to what they thought romance was. Then I paused for a second. The DJ posed a legitimate question--we all have different ideas of what is romantic. So what exactly did that look like to me? And had it changed since I first found (then consequently lost) love?
Yes. And yes. Definitely yes to the second question.
The first word that popped into my mind was "intentional". Yes, it might make me sound like a Student Affairs snob or dork, but it's honestly true. While we talked alot about it in class, intentionality can and should be applied to all aspects of life, especially love. I mulled over what it meant as I navigated the dark streets leading from St. Cloud. Is intentionality romantic? How can it not be? Any man who takes the time to reason through his actions and knows that he's doing something for the right reason, not just because he feels that he's obligated to or because he thinks it'll shut his girlfriend up--that's not just romantic, that's downright sexy.
I grabbed my cell phone and hesitated for a second before I dialed the radio station. Should I do this? What the hell did I know? It rang for quite a while; I nearly hung up as the two sides of my brain battled for whether I truly knew what romance was. Just as I was about to hang up, he answered. He asked if I wanted to weigh in.
"To me, being romantic means being intentional. Anyone can buy flowers, but it takes a true romantic to think about why he's doing that. Thinking of the reasons why--THAT'S romantic."
"So you want somebody who pays attention to you?"
"Attention AND intention. That's real romance."
The conversation took place during a bad pop song. From experience, I knew that the DJ was recording answers and then selecting which ones to play. I wondered if I'd even get on. When he returned, he asked a man what he thought. I nearly veered off the road as a man named Javier confidently answered that romance is sending roses to a lady. Right, dude. Riiiight. I spent the next few seconds recovering from my spastic laughter when I heard the DJ say "and Krissy gets the final word..." followed by a very confident-sounding me denouncing men who send flowers for the sake of flowers.
To say that I didn't feel a little vaklempt and a lot proud would be an understatement. When I spoke to the man I thought I stuttered, but the woman on the radio sounded self-assured and humorous, confident in what she needs and wants. While I may have been playing a mental tug-of-war leading up to the conversation, when it came right down to it, I knew what I wanted--or needed--to say. I've come a long way in the past year and a half. My definition of romance might not be conventional, but I'm on the path to knowing what I need from a partner. More importantly, I'm much closer to understanding what I want and need in general. Tonight's tiny act of bravery helped me to understand just how much I've grown.