Like the Deserts Miss the Rain [ May 16, 2010, 2:02 am ]

Things I miss right now:

* Biggby drinks. It's a little thing but I got seriously addicted to their lattes while at State.

* Lake Superior. Oh, you beautiful body of water, how I miss you and your beautiful beaches.

* connecting to real people on a real basis. Students don't technically count because there is an invisible wall that cannot be crossed as a professional and rarely do students scale it to go from students to friends. (Though I have seen it done and I have been on both sides of it.)

* being inspired 268787 times a day. It's simply not happening right now partially because of the craziness of the job and partially because I'm not living in an area that has alot of Krissy-inspiration fodder. Sigh.

* gay people. Seriously, there are NO. GAY. MEN. In the St. Cloud area. My soul cries weekly over this fact. I'm craving a local gay boyfriend more than an actual boyfriend right now.

* having close friends living within a ten minute radius of me. I define close friends as anyone who knew me at NMU, anyone who is on my speed-dial and/or anyone who has seen me drop four f-bombs in the span of a minute. Because that girl is the real me and I don't get to be her too often.

* being the girl who can curse like a sailor then giggle at herself because oops! I just swore but damn it felt good. I don't get to be her much these days. And it sucks.

* not wallowing. I've been wallowing for a while. A lot of it has to do with work and some not-so-amazing things that are happening in my department. Some of it has to do with the fact that I feel like I have to be very edited here and I don't know how to deal with that fact. How does a loud-mouth girl stay true to herself in a conservative environment? Seriously, I'm asking. I have no answers. And it's beginning to wear on me. I need to find a new zest for life or a key to unlock more of my Krissy-ness or something because I don't like feeling like this. At all. This isn't me. It needs to stop, but I'm not sure how. Recognizing it is a fabulous start. Writing this entry helps. One step at a time, right? I will triump; I always do. It's the Krissy way, no matter what factors may be working against me or what I may feel I'm lacking.

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