"So switching to a completely different topic, are either of you dating anyone? Seeing anyone special?"
I cringed, not so much because of the question, but because the woman who posed it was someone I had shaken hands with for the first time half an hour prior. I glanced at my coworker and we both snicked a bit. How does anyone answer a question like that ever? And how do I honestly answer it when I'm still finding my footing as a professional on a new campus? I wanted to scream that I hated men and was contemplating joining the abby because my heart was torn apart by the biggest douche who ever walked the planet and I never wanted to feel pain that intense ever again. I wanted to get on a soapbox and interrogate the woman as to why she was asking two young women this question--what was the point? Are we any less professional or intelligent or valuable if we're single? Did we need a significant other to validate us? All these thoughts ran through my head as the question hung in the air; they crashed together in my core and I wanted to shout them throughout the office. Instead I took a deep breath and listened to my colleague's answer.
After her eloquent response about finding it hard to meet good men in a college town, attention turned to me.
I smiled as I said "I'm building a relationship with myself right now." The woman who asked the question looked surprised...but impressed. And then she clapped and congratulated me for my answer.
Truth be told, my answer is only a half-truth. I am working on a relationship with myself. I'm learning to trust my instincts and my intuition and I'm following my heart, like Disney movies and beloved musicals urge me to do. But a part of me has also morphed into That Girl, as I crush on someone who lives hundreds of miles away; someone I met post-graduation in that purgatory between being a graduate student and a working member of society who happened to be in the same predicament as me. Unlike me, though, he was moving to the east coast for a job and his dream as I was packing for the snowy plains of mid-Minnesota. The timing was and is unfortunate and I roll my eyes to God every day about it because really? The Universe is killing me right now. And yet we continue to talk and text despite our distant locales.
To act blasse' and pretend it doesn't mean anything would be a huge lie. And I suck at lying. But I can't pretend it's something big either because it's not because of the distance. But he's shown me what I want and deserve in a man. And what I want and deserve is someone who makes me laugh until my stomach cramps, someone I want to jump multiple times a day, someone who challenges me intellectually and can debate me without making me feel patronized or dumb.
Building a relationship with myself is necessary. But it's taken this incredible man to remind me to look outside of myself to gain more clarity about what I want and need in life. I have no expectations about the Mr. Distance--whatever is meant to happen will happen. But because of this, I've grown to love myself even more. And because of him and my commitment to me, I can honestly answer that I'm in the best relationship of my life and it's the best decision I've ever made. We're deliriously happy together.