The Eyes Have It [ July 05, 2007, 3:47 pm ]

"What's wrong with your eye, dude?" He took one look at me and burst out laughing. "Were you beat up or should I be avoiding you because you have some kind of infection?"

"Shut uuuuuuuup!!!" I wanted to beat him up. And cover my eye in shame.

Leave it to my maintenance manager to glance at me for half of one second and find my flaw. (Ok, so I have lots of them, but by flaw I mean the one wonky thing I have going on right now."

Prognosis: toilet eye.

Last week my right eye got a little itchy. And red. Pleeeeease Gaaaaawd, don't let it be pink eye, I thought. It wasn't. But the pinkness somehow migrated to the left eye as well. And so I rocked the stoner look for a few days.

Upon not-so-gentle prodding from my boyfriend (who said such kind things like "you look really stoned" and "your eye! It looks freaky! Don't look at me right now! Ahh!") I bought some Ben Stein eyedrops.

Those fuckers are awesome. My eyes were clear! And not-stoned-looking! I could blink without tearing up! It's a miracle!

Thank you, Ben Stein and your product-hawking!

I thanked Ben Stein and pharmaceutical companies all day Sunday and Monday.

Tuesday morning however, is another story.

Tuesday morning brought a bump. A bump that hurt like. A. Fucker. A fucker that hurt more when I tried applying mascara. A fucker that hurt more when I teared up at a reality show.

Maybe it's a pimple, I thought.

"Or maybe it's Toilet Eye," the maintenance guy said. "You know! You have no idea what kind of germs are on your hands. Don't. Touch. Your. Eyes. Or you'll get Toilet Eye."

A short search on WebMD showed that it's actually a sty. I still think it's a pimple. Whatever it is, it's not pleasant. And it's leaving a bruisey looking thing around my left eye, which makes me look like I got into some sort of scrappy brawl.

Which is just what I need: Toilet Eye and a reputation as a drunken Irish tomboy.

Maybe the eyedrops will make it go away...

Ciao, dahling!

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