Buggin' Out [ September 19, 2006, 8:52 pm ]

We rumbled down the apartment staircase, two roommates, full of excitement and hungry for food. I was a step ahead of Becks; we were both chatting excitedly. Three steps from the door I halted. She ran into me.

"Uh...uh. Ewww. EEWWW!!!" I was tranfixed on the black...thing on the floor in front of the door. I pointed and shrieked. Because it was big. And black. Did I mention that it was really big?

Becky looked. And almost vomitted. She loves bugs as much as I do. "Oh my GOD. What is that thing? Krissy, kill it!"

But I couldn't. I was hypnotized by how huge and black and big it was. I don't even know what it was. Some big black bug--a cockroach maybe? Becky swore she saw pinchers on it.

We argued. The two of us on the staircase, transfixed by the ugly bug, scared to move. I thought it'd do some sort of ninja-jump if I made a move for the door. My roommate just hated how gross it looked. Neither of us wanted to move. But our hunger prevailed. Eventually we moved the argument outside.

Once we were breathing fresh air, we thought a bit clearer. The ugly thing needed to die. Because it was gross. And because Becky somehow thought that the bug would migrate up two flights of stairs on it's spindly little legs. I didn't want to kill it. It was ugly, but it was stationary. If anything I wanted to find a poking apparatus to usher it outside. Becks thought differently.

She marched around the parking lot and found a small boulder that had miraculously appeared from out of nowhere. It was perfect. And the perfect size to squish the guts out of ugly, black buggy things, we discovered.

I hate bugs, I thought as we both shivered and ran to her car to get away from the bug corpse.

Two days earlier I had jaunted down the same staircase, excited to have a day off and happy to play catch-up on errands. My arms full of must-be-dry-cleaned cloths, I stepped outside to my car. And nearly dropped my load. Sitting perfectly centered on the roof of my car was a bug. Not just any bug, though. A green, stick-like praying mantis. Praying mantis? Nooo. They don't live in Michigan! They're exotic! They only live in rainforests! They sit in trees, not on my car!

I did the only thing I could think of. I called Chrissy. She promptly laughed at me. "Uh, yeah they exist in Michigan. We had them all over Indiana, I'd think they're all over the Midwest."

"But why? They're exotic aren't they?"

"No! Why would you think that?"

"Because I've never seen one. Except on Space Ghost."

"Well they do."

After that helpful conversation I took matters into my own hands. I crept over to my car, careful not to disturb the praying that mantis might be doing. Upon opening my car door I spied a water bottle. I didn't remember any bottle being in there since I'd excavated the entire car floor, yet there was a Dasani container. Like it'd miraculously appeared for my bug-shooing problems.

I unscrewed the cap and threw it at the green thing. It stretched it's legs. They were really long. I had no choice. I extended my not-so-long arm and poked it with the bottle. It barely moved. I poked again. It scuttled over a few inches. Poke poke. Finally it spread it's wings and flew away.

They have wings?!? I shuttered as I climbed into my car. I truly hate bugs. Is there any place in the world that's bug-free? Because I may need to relocate my life to that locale. Or maybe just invest in some really good bugspray. Or poking devices.

Ciao, dahling!

~*Krissy*~

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