I don't know what it is about the place that draws me in. Perhaps it's the nostalgia. Perhaps it's because nearly every one that used to be a cornerstone of U.P. malls (and I use that term very loosely) was closed down. Maybe it's even because of Martha Stewart. Whatever it is, I have a soft spot for K-Mart. Whenever I see the big K, I am drawn to it. Like a drunken moth to a flickering flame. Or something.
I worked for K-Mart for a couple of summers. My job wasn't just about being a checkout clerk/low-paid servant to trashy people. It was about breaks spent dishing about rude customers, announcing blue light specials with enough zeal to make a game show host jealous and sealing friendships that could only last because of the bonds of low-class retailship.
So when I saw the glowing red K while in Wisconsin for the social event of the decade I had to go in. I just had to.
Almost immediately upon entry, my eyes started to hurt from the harsh overhead lights. K-Mart lights always seemed brighter and more headache-inducing to me. Almost as quickly I noticed the music playing overhead.
"Tonight/is the night/when 2 become 1..."
I squealed and grabbed Mark. An impromptu dance in the pajama aisle commenced. My other friends laughed. "Only in K-Mart could you hear the Spice Girls," one remarked.
"Like we'd want it any other way!" Mark retorted as he dipped me.
Shortly after that I lost my group of friends as I wandered the clearance section. While I was temporarily grumpy for them abandoning me, the feeling quickly disseminated when I found not one, but two gauzy, embroidered scarves for sixty cents each.
Only in K-Mart can someone find fabulous accessories for under a dollar.
I skipped along the aisles, my scarves fluttering behind me. The high of finding such The Deal left me gleeful and forgiving. I soon found my friends near the sporting goods department. The sugar from our sodas at dinner must have started to kick in because we found ourselves playing with different toys in that section.
As Nicole and Michelle tossed a football around, I found a tiny kickball. "Dodgeball time! You! Are! OUT!" I shouted as I pegged Laurie in the arm. She turned to shoot me an annoyed glare, but was interrupted by Mark who sprinted down the aisle hoisting a gun. "LOOK! This gun's on clearance for fourty dollars!" He waved the gun over his head like a hunter showing off his latest kill.
"A gun would only go on clearance at K-Mart," Laurie observed as the gleeful gun waving continued for a few more seconds.
Michelle and Nicole laughed, but kept up with their pass-the-football game. We were all laughing when an announcement was made over the speakers. I couldn't have heard that right.
"Uh, guys. I think security was just called on us."
"WHAT? WHY would they do that?" My friends looked confused.
"I don't know! I swear I just heard them say 'security to sporting goods' though."
The tossing of the football stopped. We all stood in the middle of the aisle for a second before Mark broke the silence. "Um, maybe we should...leave...this area." He started fast-walking towards home decor. We all followed and vacated the premisis soon after that. But not before I bought my scarves.
Only in K-Mart would security get called on my friends and me. But only in this store, as well, would I leave with an aching stomach from the sheer amusement of it all. I can't say the same thing about Walmart.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~