A little factoid in a magazine (alright! It was Glamour--it's not like I read Forbes or Newsweek or anything intellectual) said that over 20% of people quit a job before they make it through their first year. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who felt so despaired that they preferred unemployment over unhappiness.
Today marks the one-week anniversary of me resigning from my first "real world" job.
I, Krissy, am unemployed.
And funnily? I've never been happier.
Or, at least, I feel a lot happier than I'd been in a long time. I didn't realize what a happy person I generally was until I was sobbing all the time and suddenly thought this isn't normal.
I tried to reevaluate my attitude. I tried to change my perspective. I surrounded myself with friends. I watched shows and movies that made me happy. I tried to soak in all the of the good things that I loved. And yet? I was still unhappy. And the only reason I could fathom for being this unhappy was work.
Everytime I heard a certain voice, my stomach would seize up. I would wake up thinking In nine hours, I'm done with work for the day. When I talked to my closest friends, anything they said that showed that they slightly cared would send me into convulsing sobs.
I didn't think I could do it. I didn't want to quit, yet I didn't want to stay distressed. This wasn't part of my plan: graduate from college, get a job, stick with it for a few years, then contemplate moving/getting a master's degree. When encouraged to move forward and leave this job behind, it shook my world. A thousand and one contradicting thoughts flew through my mind: Quitting is for losers! Stick it out--it's gotta get better. Focus on the good. You're just being a drama queen. What if you stay this unhappy? Don't you deserve better? Is this what you truly want?
I talked with friends who asked me what I truly wanted to do. One said to follow my heart (which harkened to the Disney Princess in me). Another said that life was too short to stay miserable. Others said money was over-rated. The general consensus was that my happiness was far more valuable than anything else. I'm not sure if I was just hearing what I wanted or if some higher power was trying to send me lightening bolt after lightening bolt in hopes of me having an epiphany. Whatever it was, it worked.
I knew that I wasn't happy; I knew my boss wasn't happy with me. When I figured out that I may or may not be getting a pink slip, I did what any empowered girl would do. I cried and called my mom and best friends. And then, with the help of a guru (thanks, Chrissy!) I composed a letter of resignation. I was delighted and amused at how fun it was to write--a sure sign that I was doing the right thing.
As cliche as this sounds, I felt a lot lighter after handing in my letter. The sun seemed brighter, I smiled for a whole day straight and I took pleasure in doing menial cleaning around my apartment.
This didn't start off as a journey of empowerment or self-discovery. On the contrary, I was willing to stay unhappy and compromise who I was out of fear. The only reasons that I was able to shed that negativity was because I had support all around me--my own group of cheerleaders/guardian angels/kick-ass friends. To be all analogy-istic: I was the heroin, trapped in a castle; my group of friends turned out to be the hero who kicked down the iron gate and slayed the dragon--or at least handed me the sword and instructed me on how to slay the dragon.
This past week I've found that being unemployed is a hell of a lot better than being unhappy. Admittedly, I'm scared. I have no source of income at the moment and I realize that my pittance of a savings account will run out. But I know I'll be alright. I'll be better than alright...because my personal army says so.
I heard a song today that captured my mood perfectly. While I'm not one to post lyrics (too teeny-bopperish/uncreative), this is just....me. Perfectly.
She said
Get outta my way
'cause I'm going somewhere
This is not who I want to be
Get off of my back
Stop saying that
'cause I'm not afraid of heights
I may never get where I'm going
But then again I might...
Brie Larson, She Said
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~