Bag'd [ October 12, 2010, 11:28 pm ]

I'm addicted to a gameshow on GSN called Baggage. Over the course of the show contestants reveal three pieces of "baggage", or secrets about themselves, to a potential suitor who then determines who he or she will go on a date with based upon what they learn. Secrets revealed vary from "I spend two hours per day on my hair" up to "I've had 200 sex partners" or "I want to have kids NOW." They vary pretty wildy and some are pretty sensational and Springer-like, which is fitting since Jerry Springer is the host of the show.

Ever since I began watching the show this past summer I pondered what my secrets would be should I ever find myself on the show's stage, shiny suitcases in hand. Here's what I've come up with...

The first, or most minor, baggage: I hate cooking. I can cook and I don't starve. But I'd much rather shell out the money for takeout than have to deal with raw meat after a long day of work.

The second piece of baggage, aka "The Deal-breaker": I don't want to have kids. Ever. I've known for a long time that I don't want to be a mother. I'll make an awesome Godmother should the opportunity arise and I'd be a kick-ass aunt. But I can't see myself settling down and raising a brood. I just can't. It's never been in my life plan, no matter how cute or charming the kids I meet are.

The third and biggest piece of baggage: The one major relationship I've been in has resulted in me pressing charges against my ex. We all know the story and my journey past this excrutiating period of my life. At times I'm still haunted by it, scared that this moment will define me negatively, that it could hurt all future romantic endeavors that I hope to have.

We all have baggage we carry with us. As Mimi in Rent sings "I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine." To me, that's such an eloquent way of looking at things. None of us have a blank slate; life happens and choices are made and we live and we grow and we continue on our journeys. And all we can hope for is that someone accepts our baggage just as we'd accept theirs. Sometimes that's all we can do.

I don't want my baggage to define me. I want to carry a light load while honoring what mine has made me and how it could shape my life and journey. I don't want it to hold me back. I don't want it to feel like a heavy burden to me or any potential partner.

This has truly been heavy on my mind lately as I've met someone. A really good someone. A man who is a gentleman and a dork; someone who didn't mind that I kicked his ass at B-dubs Trivia on our first date and instead let the date linger until we were kicked out of the restaurant because it was closing. Someone who makes me laugh and loves to hold me for hours on end. And someone who, when I told him about my biggest piece of baggage, looked deep into my eyes and held me while reassuring me that he was patient and that he wouldn't be going anywhere. This man is now my boyfriend. And words cannot express how happy this makes me or how incredibly thankful I am to have him in my life.

And so a new chapter of my life begins as I learn to navigate who I am in this relationship, complete with its own set of shiny baggage, now with two sets of hands to carry it.

last - next

navigate
current
archives
profile
twitter
notes
host
design