Things I Know For Sure [ November 18, 2010, 11:33 pm ]

What I used to think: that once I was far enough away from The Incident, both distance-wise and time-wise, that I would be "healed."

What I now know: Even two full years after the sentencing, I'm still dealing with repercussions.

What I used to think: If I fell in love again I'd magically be "healed".

What I now know: Falling in love after being in an abusive relationship is one of the hardest, most bittersweet experiences ever.

What I used to think: Once I was in a relationship after the worst relationship in the histor of ever, I would no longer have emotional baggage and I'd be "healed".

What I now know: Though my journey had me feeling comfortable, happy and confident as a single woman, a whole new step in the healing process began the day I started dating the new boy. While it takes courage to put myself out there in the dating world, it takes even more courage to face the insecurities and many demons that have come lurking since I've decided to commit to someone. I am far from being healed.

What I used to think: I'm not crazy.

What I now know: Oh, I have crazy sauce running through my veins.

What I used to think: It would take a strong man to get into a relationship with me.

What I now know: It takes a strong, kind and patient man to be in a relationship with me. I am insecure, overdramatic at times and high maintenance. I had no idea that a whole new slew of emotions would begin coursing through me once I got into a serious relationship, yet each day is a battle to understand and overcome my baggage. And it's not easy. And it cannot be easy on my boyfriend. Yet, he not only accepts me as I am, but he's playing a large role in helping me to move forward. He's restoring my faith in love. He's helping me to redefine what love really can be. And that is something that I am not only grateful for, but something that I want to know for a very long time.

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