Sometimes I feel like I'm having some sort of mental breakdown. It sucks.
Like tonight, I'm just sitting here after Joe Millionaire and I just start thinking. And when I start thinking, I just get on a roll. And it can be a good thing.
Or it can bad thing. I'm not so sure if tonight was a good thing or a bad thing. I think that I may need to do some personal writing and compose some sort of prose poem or something to sort things out.
Gaah.
I just don't know sometimes. Like sometimes I think I feel like I don't have an identity. And I wonder WHY my friends like me and hang around me. You know how it can be when you just have these bouts of insecurity and shit like that.
So I was just thinking about what a dork I am. Cuz really--I don't get me sometimes. I'm a huge dork. I like reality tv and pop music and I'm way too loud and can be quite annoying. I'm your average person, basically, except that I have a bigger mouth and can be brasher than normal people.
So I really don't know. I don't get it.
Is there even anything to get? I think I'm just being stupid and thinking too much. This really isn't like me.
Huh....life can be really funny sometimes. Here I am, being totally dorky and insecure and in comes a resident in tears with a real crisis. (Well....more real of a crisis than I'm having at least.) That really puts things into perspective, hey?
Damn, life is funny sometimes.
I don't really know if I can go off on my tangent now. That's probably a good thing.
Oh--I have a little vent. I'm just beginning to question myself in a lot of aspects. Because of my friends, because of the conversations I've been having. And it's NOT their faults, and I don't want them to feel bad (even though I know they will after they read this--but they SHOULDN'T cuz I SAID SO!!). But it just seems like everytime I go to voice my opinion it either gets questioned or shot down or something. It's like I can't even like something without it getting scrutinized to death. So I didn't like Sweet Home Alabama that much. And so a lot of my friends did. Good for them, that's awesome. I just didn't think there was anything so fabulous about it. Whatever. Differences in opinions are great. They make the world go round. And I KNOW I've said this before. I feel like I'm just saying the same monologue over and over again sometimes. But sometimes I just feel like I'm being scrutinized when I say what I like. And I feel like I have to either justify WHY I like what I do or I have to change how I think.
And that's not cool. And I KNOW that that's not what anybody's trying to do. It's just me over-thinking, I think. I just don't like having to re-evaluate how I think and what I like. I mean, thinking itself and questioning stuff is good, but not constantly. And it sometimes seems constant.
Blarrrg.
Whatever.
Just ignore me. I don't know what I'm babbling about right now I don't think.
But I do know this: I'm reclaiming who I am and what I like and what I am. Yeah! So here I am: Krissy, opinionated hyper-girl extraordinaire. Love it or leave it.
Period.
Yeah!
With that I need to retreat to the shower and escape to bed. I've been tired all night. I must catch up on my sleep.
Ciao dahling!
~*Krissy*~
Livin' Out My RockStar Fantasy To: "The Distance" by Evan and Jaron (those two are sooo fiiiine)
Crush du Jour: Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon (Hehe--can ya tell I was watching Ocean's 11??), SG (maybe....)
Happy Thought of the Moment: prospective snow day, recapturing my identity, a clean room, cold pop, my "moody" mix cd, pop music, Joe Millionaire, any reality show on TV (they all just make me laugh), John Mayer, futons (yay Adam!!), office hours, fun and funny residents, not falling on the icy sidewalks when lots of others did, easy tests, dorks, meetings cancelled, doing schtuff for NAE, snowball fights, fuzzy mittens, hot chocolate, discovering new music, Rufus Wainwright, little naps, comfy pillows, quality phone convos