While in the middle of driving to the club one Friday night while I was in Detroit, Joe and Mikey got all quiet and shushed me. Joe had a serious expression on his face. "Krissy, you MUST listen to this song. Don't TALK, don't MOVE, just LISTEN." Mikey chimed in, "it'll make you cry!" Because I like songs that cry, you know.
The song that was so vital to our existance at that moment was "Plane" by Jason Mraz. When I first heard it, I did feel like crying. Partly because it was such a beautiful song, partly because it was so random to be playing as we were driving to a gay club and partially because it made me feel so much. Like I was so alive in that moment; like it was this huge present that I never wanted to be taken away from me.
I've been playing that song non-stop since Katy gave me a copy of Mr. A-Z yesterday. It makes me feel closer to Joe. And it give me hope for my future because it reminds me of the high I was on after the admissions interview that week. The song reminds me there is good things around the corner, even though it may not feel like it at the moment.
I could pretend that I'm not crying when I listen to this song, but I won't even try. It makes me cry. It had me sobbing last night. Songs rarely do that to me. But I'm so grateful that it does because it reminds me that I have to take the negative with the good.
I've been thinking a lot about my future lately. And I'm scared. I don't know what to do with myself. At all. I keep applying for these jobs and I think that I'm perfect for them and then all I get are rejections. I never did hear back from the university where I interviewed, even though I called them to confirm my fate. It's really hard to not get down when you've composed nearly fifty cover letters.
My problem is that I'm hinging my dreams on a job, any job, at this point. And I'm basing my self-worth on the fact that I don't have a job. And both of these facts are wrong in so many ways and on so many levels. Trust me, I'm trying not to throw myself a pity party. I'm trying to get perspective.
I'm getting over myself.
I've composed a list of options for myself, partially because I needed some amusement, partially out of necessity. If this is the time of my life, I should be enjoying myself, no?
My Options:
#1: British hobo: grab Emily, jet to London and live as hobos. We have this undying love for London and all things British. And we don't care if we're poor. Our new motto is "Hobo-bound in 2006!!!"
#2: Become a rockstar: I have the attitude down, now I just need a band. And maybe some talent.
#3: Travel: Wifey sent me this link for a
month-long trek of Europe.M Holy hell, how I long to do this. All I need to do is find a sugar daddy or wealthy beneficiary who'd be willing to jet me to Europe for a month. Bonus points if he/she wants to ship wifey, Ryan and Em with me.
#4: Work for Disney: I'd lick corporate's shoes if it meant I was working for the Mouse. You may laugh, but I'm not kidding. And I did actually apply for a few jobs with the company today.
#5: Grad assistantships: if I can't get a job at a college, I might as well just try for an assistantship or a fellowship and get my Master's degree now. And by now I mean the beginning of the next school year.
#6: Get a dwarf hamster: ok, so this has nothing to do with my future, but I really want one. Badly. They're tiny! And cute! And oh-so-adorable! Plus then I could use up more braincells coming up with cute names for it.
Ciao, dahling!
~*Krissy*~