Unsecure [ June 27, 2005, 6:01 pm ]

If people knew just how stressed and unhappy I was now.....

And I know I shouldn't be. I know that I'm acting like an ungrateful bitch. I know that I should be grateful for a job and a nice apartment and great friends.

And it's not that I'm not. Because I am.

But....I'm just not happy.

The reason I don't talk about my job is because I think it's unprofessional. And because I've read too many blogs where the writers have gotten in trouble and/or canned for blabbing about their jobs online. And I don't want that to happen to me.

But I also don't talk about it because it just truly stresses me out. I didn't picture myself doing this. Especially with this latest curveball. The one with the money situation and the fact that I don't think I can do this. I can be my biggest fan...but not when it comes to this.

And this just makes me so unhappy. And it's not an emotion I'm used to.

People see me as this happy, confident girl. That's...not how I am right now. And I'm not sure how to change it. I don't know if it can be changed.

This insecure feeling is new to me. I don't like it. I want to feel like me again.

And I just keep thinking everything happens for a reason. And I truly believe that because I prayed a lot last night and then was thrown for a loop today. God and the universe are both testing me. A lot.

And I realize that nothing I'm saying is probably making sense to anyone because it's not even really making sense to me. And I apologize. But realize that this isn't an easy time in my life right now.

My horoscope today said Giving up on your dreams is not an option at this stage of the game. Whatever setback may have occurred, it doesn't mean that your goals and ambitions are kaput. What it actually signifies is that your path may have a few more twists and turns than you originally expected. So no matter what, hang onto your high hopes, because they haven't been dashed -- they're just behind a curtain, doing a quick costume change. This gives me hope. And I need all the hope I can get right now.

Ciao, dahling!

~*Krissy*~

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