I read several feminist blogs and news sites that sometimes feature hard-to-believe articles about the horrors of the world we live in. These stories are difficult to stomach and there have been several times when I've felt like crying and/or puking because of the attrocities going on across the world and in our own backyards. But I know what I'm getting into before I read such articles because there is a little phrase before the link jump: "trigger warning."
Essentially a trigger warning is for people who may have a hard time with the content. People who may feel sick or disconcerted or even may get flashbacks or experience emotional dysphoria because they may read about rape or genocide or any other number of unbelievable events happening globally. I greatly appreciate the fact that they do this because news stories can be so disconcerting and graphic. Violence is definitely sensationalized in today's society, so having a warning before a story brings about a sense of comfort for me because I have time to mentally prepare for what I might read.
If only the same thing could be done in other areas of life. Specifically with music. I'm a fan of music. (Wow, hello most generic statement ever.) I love how a single chord or bar of music from a song can transport me back to a specific moment or period of time in my life. I love how the combination of lyrics and music can create an emotional resonse within me. Music is an amazing thing. But it can also be a trigger that can send me reeling.
I cannot listen to "Love the Way You Lie." While it's a fantastic collaboration between Eminem and Rihanna, my stomach clenches up and I've come close to puking in public several times because of the rawness of the lyrics. It hits too close to home for me. The first time I heard the song was in the car with my 19 year-old cousin. She introduced the song to me and proceeded to tell me that she loved it. I could only half hear the lyrics over the wind blowing through the car during that summer day, but after hearing half the chorus I asked her to change the song. When she asked why I asked her what she thought the song was about. She responded that it was about a relationship gone wrong. Well, yes, but it's so much more than that. Songs like that cannot normalize violent relationships. Personal pain has long been a muse for all forms of art but at what point does it stop being art and become a mere trigger for survivors? The song is too much for me to handle.
I have several friends who have song triggers, too. Because music is so powerful and can take someone back to a specific moment, one friend cannot listen to the lovely "Closer to Love" by Matt Nathanson because it reminds her of some horrible news she received as that song played softly on her radio. Just hearing the opening piano chords chokes her up. She's physically left venues where the song has played because it can only remind her of that one awful moment in her life.
One of my best friends here used to love "Amazing" by Bruno Mars. We'd sing along to it in the car and it was even her ring tone and theme for her boyfriend. She loved that the lyrics so perfectly expressed what she felt about him. She couldn't have found a more perfect song if she tried. Since the end of February however, she cannot listen to that song without bursting into tears. She lost the love of her life during that time and any part of that song sends her into a vulnerable emotional state. We were in a store when I heard the opening chords. I told her she should either leave or we could sing a different song over it. She ran from the store, hating the fact that she was crying in public.
We all have triggers. We all have certain topics or words or songs that send us over the edge. For my friends and I, certain songs have the power to render us helpless, desperate for an escape from the hurt, the memories that specific music and lyrics bring on unwillingly. We don't want to be triggered by these things; we just want to carry on with our lives. It's the risk we take though. It's the risk any of us take just by living. To live is to risk being hurt, feeling pain. If there's anything I've learned, though, it's that we should live with a bit more compassion and understanding towards people. We're all fighting battles. And we may never know what could trigger unexpected vulnerability. So be a bit kinder. And maybe turn down the radio if you see someone wincing or tearing up.