Countdown [ August 05, 2008, 10:53 pm ]

I've almost gone a day without crying. Almost. So close. I'll be going to sleep soon, so I just might make it.

And if you're counting that would make it four weeks straight where I cried, bawled or teared up because I thought of the break-up or the beating...up.

Four weeks ago today I broke it off with him. In some ways I can't believe it's been that long because it still feels as though it happened yesterday. But in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago. I've been through a world of hurt and I never want to experience this type of pain or personal hell again. It blows my mind that people endure this kind of pain every day. I am so not that strong.

And for inquiring minds, I have not spoken to him. There was a little, stupid text conversation over a week ago where I basically told him that I hate him and that Jesus doesn't love him (because I am nothing if not a mean, scorned, hurt woman), but that was it. I refuse to speak to him. He doesn't deserve my attention and I don't want to feel hurt or broken again. I've come too far for that. I don't want to go back to daily or hourly cries.

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