I'm sick of being whiny. I'm sick of being sad about my situation. I'm sick of crying. Because really? I'm still crying.
Sometimes I think that I'm over it. That I'm feeling better and I can move on and seize the day and be all Krissy-like. I feel like that more and more. But then something will just smack me across the face and remind me of what I went through. I'll remember his face or look at my left wrist which still has a bump from where he hurt me or just see a couple kissing in the parking lot. And the ache will come back or the hurt floods over me. And I feel alone and unbeautiful.
I want to be over this. I don't want this or him to have power over me any more. I want to move on and recapture my life and feel loved and in love with life and brimming with beauty. This is why sending in my witness report last week felt so invigorating. Why yes I do want to know if his case goes to court. Yes, I want to testify. Yes, my situation sucks beyond belief but I can do something to summon the healing.
In the meantime I'll focus on me. And my classes. And my staff. And line-dancing. Because good GOD do I love that. That and laughing, which something I've also been doing more of lately. Doing these things makes me feel less alone. And more beautiful. I deserve beauty in my life. And less days spent crying. Make no mistake--I'll get these things. I just wish the road to healing had a faster speed limit.