Shooting Up [ February 20, 2007, 1:59 pm ]

"You're blood pressure is a little high. Kind of borderline." The girl squinted and read it again to make sure it was right. I cleared my throat; this was not something I wanted to be hearing. I'm only twenty-four, for Christ's sake. I shouldn't be worrying about my blood pressure. Another reading and a consultation with a doctor later, it was confirmed. I a twenty-something with high blood pressure.

It's not hard to see why when I have days like I do at my job. While I don't like to bitch about what I do and while I realize that I am fortunate to have a job, some days I just want to throw in the towel, cash in what little savings I have and fly to Aruba. Most days I am torn between appeasing a lot of people and jumping through a lot of (what I see as unnecessary) hoops.

That fact in and of itself isn't what frustrates me. I suppose I'm partially to blame because I get emotionally involved in my projects and want them to sail through smoothly. But lately it feels like roadblocks seem to sprout out of thin air. The detail work (and the fact that it all feels so ridiculously contrite and unimportant) is getting to me. I go to bed at night making to-do lists; I wake up thinking about what I absolutely, must get done (although none of it actually seems to get crossed of that mental list). The stress may literally be killing me--and I just realized that sad, sad fact. It all cummulated today with me having a meltdown at my desk in front of the district manager and some corporate higher-ups.

It's hard to find a solution; it's easy to gripe. Maybe there isn't a solution. This may be a cold, hard fact to life--jobs are hard, I'm going to be underpaid and underappreciated and I may just have to accept it. But it's really hard when I know that there should be so much more than this. Perhaps this feeling will pass. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and suddenly fall in love with work. Maybe I just need to keep my chin up. Maybe I don't want to, though. I hear that Aruba's nice this time of year.

Ciao, dahling!

~*Krissy*~

last - next

navigate
current
archives
profile
twitter
notes
host
design