My cousin was stabbed to death by her boyfriend last night.
I don't even know what else to say. It was a horrific and senseless crime and the only comfort in this case is knowing that the police found the murderer and shot him when he resisted arrest.
This all sounds very sensational and dramatic and I wish I wasn't writing about it, but it's the only way I know how to even begin to process the information right now.
On the most basic level it's inhumane and horrible. How could anyone do such a thing? I mourn the death of this woman. Though I haven't seen or talked to her in over a decade, that doesn't make her exit any less tragic. On a different level I want to vomit and curse life and the gods and the universe because something like this should never happen to anyone. Violence is so senseless and demeaning and uncalled for. I sit here with tears choking me and my breath caught in my throat because I don't understand why awful things happen to seemingly good people.
On a more personal level one of my first thoughts after hearing the news was "that could have been me". I never could have imagined my ex-boyfriend harming me in any way. My gut told me to get out and I did. But in a very basic, nearly animalistic and instinctual sense a part of me thinks that something like that could have happened to me. If I would have stayed or gone back or if he hadn't hit me and instead held off for a couple hours or days or weeks--who's to say he wouldn't have tried taking my life? I might sound like I'm being overly dramatic, but something inside of me tells me that if I would have stuck around I may have gotten hurt worse. That fact scares and paralyzes me. I don't know how to deal with this new information. I don't know what to do.
For now I will mourn the loss of a woman who was just 23 years old. Someone who loved and wanted love and tried to see the best in someone. I am so sorry that this has happened to her and I am beside myself because I cannot even imagine the pain that my uncle and family will go through during this time. It's so senseless. I pray that all will heal in time and I pray that all will be strong and a sense of resolution will come to all of us. And I pray for myself because right now I don't know about meaning in a world where violence disempowers young women and leaves them speechless or worse.