Neurotic-ness of Mind [ February 08, 2007, 6:17 pm ]

I'm in an emo mood.

Not the kind of mood where I want to don loads of black eyeliner, blare I-hate-life music and then eventually slit my wrists. The Krissy version of emo involves me burying myself in my thoughts until I eventually want to just bury myself under my down comforter and never see the light of day again...or at least until the mood ceases.

The thing is? My life isn't even bad right now. Work is getting better after being challenging, things are going well with The Boy and I have a great social life. The thing that may or may not be so great is that the thing I want most in this world (besides a cute boy to love me) may not happen. I haven't heard anything, it's been over a month and I am fa-reaking out.

My whole future kind of sort of revolves around this thing. Ok, so I'm being overdramatic, but still! It's something that I've built a five/ten/twenty-year plan around. And if it doesn't happen then...I don't know. My whole future could be up in the air. And that scares the shit out of me.

Granted, my future is always up in the air. I realize how dramatic I'm being here. I do! But I can't stop my thoughts from snowballing into "what if..." scenarious that end up scaring the crap out of me. It starts off with me thinking if this doesn't happen, then.... and then it just snowballs until all I can do is picture myself being highly unhappy in some sort of career where I hate myself and I. Don't. Want. That.

Again with the dramatics! I can't stop! I control my future. Ok, so really God does. I know there's a plan, I know I won't be unhappy. But Emo-Krissy is freaking out and the only way to cure it is to babble, as such.

That and to blare the 90s station on Music Choice while indulging in a few Oreos, that is. So, pass the remote and the cookie bag, please, so this damn neurosis can pass.

Ciao, dahling!

~*Krissy*~

last - next

navigate
current
archives
profile
twitter
notes
host
design