Is it bad that Spring Break is just ending and I already am pining for summer vacation? Today has been nothing but a day of getting shit together and/or done and yet I feel as though I have so much to do. I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I feel exactly like I did before Spring Break. It was nice to take a vacation from myself and my troubles. Because I did--I told myself "Krissy, you will NOT think about work or school or anything bad, you'll focus on fun and you and the ones you love." And I did.
But now it's back to reality. But I so badly want it to be back to vacation time again. I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind or losing a handle on things. Why is that everytime I do one thing it seems like ten more get added to my list? It's really stressing me out.
I should be coming back from break happy and relaxed. Instead I feel my back musles tensing up again and a lump in my throat like I'm going to burst into tears at any second.
Nobody ever said grad school was going to be easy. But nobody said that it would feel like this either.
And I know. I know this feeling will pass and everything will get done and I'll triumph and yay! Things will be fine. But getting through this charming little mood is rough. Because all I want is a hug and some reassurance and maybe a peek into the future so that I know that everything will be fine. But at this time of night hugs and glimpses into the future are hard to come by. So I'll release it all in a hot shower and a long prayer then curl up with my stuffed Stitch (PS: thanks,Em, this toy is my lifesaver on nights like this--especially when John is at work). And if all goes like normal, I'll wake up renewed and with a sense of clarity and pound out my list for the day and go about it like I'm on a mission and then I'll rock my presentation and facilitate my meetings. But for this one moment, I need to wallow because even I can't be overwhelmingly optimistic all the time. Sometimes I just feel overwhelmed.
Ciao, dahling!