An Open Letter to My Parents [ June 18, 2006, 11:40 pm ]

As the last hour of Father's Day winds down, I find myself writing this to you both. It may seem a bit unconventional to write this to both of you on a holiday devoted to the men of the world, but I find it appropriate considering our situation.

We're not the first broken family and I can say with certainty (and more than a hint of sadness) that we won't be the last. It's actually because of the divorce that I'm penning this.

Dad, you were never there for me. Even in the five years that you were a constant presence in the home, you weren't really there. I can think of a handful of memories that involve you. It breaks my heart to realize this because so much validity and credit is given to the head of the household. A father should mold his children, shape them, credit them, praise them, love them. I have no doubt in my mind that you love my sister and I, but as for the other fatherly duties, you have fallen far short. As time has passed, I think you've come to realize this, but you don't know how to make up for it.

The sad truth is, there is no way to make up for it--you weren't there during the formidable years of my life. But it is because of this that I have grown to be who I am. I helped my mom with "manly" duties like mowing the lawn or fixing the toilet when it was broken. I helped my sister with her homework or taught her how to ride her bike. I became independent fast, probably too fast, because of a lack of a father figure. I loved my family more fiercely because you weren't around, I felt emotions deeper because of the cut that lingered after you cried your last goodbye, I learned to love myself deeply because I needed somebody to love me when you didn't.

Dad, for so long, I didn't trust men because I thought they'd hurt me like you hurt my family. You left us because you didn't love us, you loved someone else. That fact crushed me for many years, and paralyzed me in many aspects. It's taken nearly two decades for me to understand that I cannot use the divorce as a crutch or an excuse. Because of this realization, I've come to a decision to love as deep and as hard as I possibly can. If I love with everything I have, then I'll no longer be paralyzed. Thank you for helping me to see that, albeit indirectly.

Mom, I owe you everything. You inspire me daily. Looking back on all of the adversity you faced before, during and after the divorce, it blows me away to think that you got through it with grace and dignity. You've taught me so much. You're more than a mother and a father to me, you are everything.

On this Father's Day, I celebrate you both. I grew so much because of your decision to leave, Dad, that it only seems fair to let you know that it's alright; I forgive you. And, mom, you deserve to celebrate today because of the dual-role you took on. You should be celebrated every day because you are an amazing woman. Thank you, both.

Love,

Krissy

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