Incommunicado [ January 15, 2009, 11:45 pm ]

"If I could fast forward the next sixty hours of my life I would."

The cashier had no idea what he was getting into when he asked how I was. The response I gave him was me edited, me holding back.

How am I at this moment? Every muscle in my body is tense and sore because I'm so stressed, I do not want to look at any more notes, prep questions or text books ever again, I can't hold a thought because I keep thinking about my impending test and also? I'm slightly drunk because I'm taking my certifying exam starting tomorrow morning and I need two healthy glasses of Reisling in order to ease my nerves.

Tomorrow I take on what may be the most stressful thing of my professional career. I have 36 hours to write two five page essays that will pull in and synthesize (hopefully thoughtfully and succinctly) materials from my core courses from the past year and a half. This exam determines if I get my degree or not.

And while I shouldn't think of it like that--I should think of it as an opportunity to show how much I know and dazzle them with my mad APA skillz!--I can't help but do that because hi! I'm neurotic!

To ease my fears I've pored through every text, marked it up, organized my notes, read all the key foundational documents, studied with various friends and classmates and even compiled a list of theories and texts I'm comfortable with. I feel prepared...kind of. (I also cannot feel my lips at the moment. FYI.) It's good to have some nervousness because that'll help to drive me. But really I just want to get through the next two days.

What's waiting for me on the other end are tickets to see Legally Blonde the Musical, promises of celebrations with friends and hopefully my Masters Degree and a new job. At the very least, though, there'll be the rest of that bottle of wine. Because this is one hell of a challenge. If you're reading this keep your fingers crossed and shoot a prayer to God for me. I'd appreciate it. (Thanks!)

PS: I'm also in the midst of a personal growth challenge where I'm not going on Facebook for one whole week. I'm already dying even though it's only been 24 hours since it began. So if you want to contact me please email or call me. Because I don't want the temptation of Facebook messages to taunt me while I'm essay-ing it up.

PPS: Remind me about my theories about my hair and how we'd act if we were playing matchmaker for our friends instead of ourselves alone. Interesting stuff coming up, folks, I promise. I just need to get through the next two days. Pray for me. Please.

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